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@izzie because they don't love the child they love the idea of the child — either the idea of having a child or the ideal conceptionist of the child that they want the real one to become and will force him to become by any means necessary. That's how it was for my mother: she didn't truly love me and my brother she loved the idea of being a caring mother until it became too much work and then she became a cold reptilian thing; and she loved the idealized white cishet Christian idealized children she wanted us to be. She loved my academic achievement and my responsibility but she didn't love me.