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@emacsen @lanodan
I don’t mean for this to come across as condescending, so please don’t take it that way.

You are both talking about a language that you do not understand and don’t know how to use. In particular, you seem to want to tell the database how to do its job instead of just declaring the results you want. There are hundreds if not thousands of person-hours put in to optimizing queries, and your “I’ll do it in my own code” is no match for that.