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@dansup I have a brother-in-law like this.
Mother-in-laws 70th birthday BBQ, made a big fuss about coming. Didn't bring anything. Had his earphones in all day, listening to F1 coverage. Left early when his young daughter asked if they could watch granny open her presents.
Cut to 20 years earlier, my wedding to his sister. Brought a gf we didn't know. Left early next morning, leaving his gf behind to join family breakfast. She was mortified.
No solutions here, but my total sympathy.