Do yuropoors not realise how fucking awesome it is to be an American? That all our
>USA USA USA
chants and American flag t-shirts are 100% unironic? Do they think that we live like this under duress, like someone has a gun to our heads making us eat "scones and mushrooms," and this is not the way we wanna live?

No, we live this way because it is amazing. Everything tastes good. Everything's fun. We make make way more money than you, and our government steals way less of it than yours. We are entertained 24/7 365. We're so comfortable, happy, and satisfied that wide swaths of America have to invent reasons to be angry so they can performatively protest our greatness and engage in the most sacred and ancient American tradition of LARPing as the weary rebel fighting the good fight against an oppresive overlord.

Now are we wildly unhealthy and obese? Yeah, sure.
Are we superficial and materialistic assholes? Yes.
Are we, the people, and all of our elected officials arogant and annoying? Absolutely.
But that's all overshadowed by the simple day-to-day awesomeness of being American. We've got like all the money, all the best food, all the coolest people, the newest & most advanced tech, endless sources of fun, sex, and entertainment.

Now maybe all of that stuff is physically killing us, while it definitely mentally and spiritually erodes our soul, but on a day-to-day basis?

I got to tell you, it is pretty great.

You can wake up, eat all the biscuits and gravy you want, wash it down with a pint or two for breakfast, before going fishing or playing guitar on your back porch. If I wanted to, right now, drunk drive into town, purchase a ticket on the regional puddle jumper, fly two states away to go listen to The Dead South perform live in Montana tonight, catch a flight back home just in time to take a shower and head out to church tomorrow. I could easily do all of that without incuring any significant hardship to my pocket or self beyond more damage my liver doesn't need, and any physical altercation I may get into if I find out someone from Wyoming is in the audience and tell them their state SUCKS since the only person worth a damn from there is dead (RIP in peace Cobes)

This is America, land of the free and brave, from sea to shining sea baby.

God bless America and nowhere else.