Light if he was actually high-IQ
>be me
>Light Yagami, actually living up to the hype this time
>instead of manipulating a simping Shinigami into killing L on my behalf like a Reddit-tier edgelord, decide to speedrun Japan’s entire institutional capture

>first target: NPA task force
>write every member’s name with “dies in five years from natural causes but in the meantime accepts a lucrative job in Silicon Valley working on AI blockchain compliance for fusion reactors”
>they all instantly resign to chase the bags
>Task Force HQ now emptier than Misa’s skull

>next move: cripple any attempt to rebuild it
>use Death Note’s “cause of death details” clause to force the Prime Minister into announcing H-1B-esque hiring initiative to “modernize Japanese policing”
>entire task force gets repopulated by imported coders who think Kira is an IDE extension
>their Japanese consists entirely of leetcode variable names
>L forced to communicate with them using PowerPoint

>L sweating
>he can’t interrogate the new guys because they’re technically contractors hired through a Delaware LLC
>also they keep threatening to transfer to Google DeepMind if working conditions don’t improve

>meanwhile
>I’m 17 years old, in my bedroom, conducting a flawless soft coup of national law enforcement

>decide to flex harder
>engineer global manhunt for Kira that requires multinational coordination
>then write: “all Interpol analysts tasked with Kira disappearance relocate to Bangalore as part of team-building exercise, trip lasts indefinitely”

>Interpol slack server: 8,000 Indian dudes asking who “Keerah” is

>L tries counterplay
>“we should bring in FBI agents”
>too late.jpg
>already wrote:
>“[every FBI agent assigned to Japan] suddenly develops burning passion for becoming a Twitch streamer; quits, sells badge, buys VTuber avatar, dies of natural causes in five years”

>American law enforcement collapses trying to figure out where their agents went
>one of them is literally doing Apex Legends streams during FBI roll call

>Light’s operations at this point
>looks less like a serial killer
>more like McKinsey but with divine authority

>I don’t even need to kill criminals
>I just start deleting regulatory bottlenecks
>Japan’s GDP spikes so hard the IMF sends a wellness check

>L sits alone in empty task force room
>wondering if crime-fighting is even possible without domestic workforce
>Only member left is Matsuda
>because Light forgot to write his name
>L suspects sabotage
>he’s right

>final move
>write in the Death Note:
>“L Lawliet realizes Kira’s identity in a stroke of genius, but before speaking it aloud spends 10 minutes filling out USCIS paperwork for an H-1B renewal he didn’t know he had, gets stuck on question 4b, dies of bureaucratic overload”

>L collapses
>task force dissolves
>Light wins by weaponizing immigration law

>mfw I solved the whole show without touching a potato chip or doing dramatic squats in my room