@sim @newt yeah that's good advice, i treat myself very black-or-white-ish because i've been told that I need to follow through and be perfect at it or else it's worth nothing and then i'm a bad person (and also worth nothing)

it's hard for me to allow myself to have fun and not set strict rules before doing a task

I don't even notice doing it and just now thinking and talking about the topic made me realize that this might be the problem here, too.

The fact that you pick up books again and again without reading in one go and being fine and at peace with it totally baffles me. It gives me peace, too, knowing that it's possible.