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   Cat Hicks (grimalkina@mastodon.social)'s status on Monday, 22-Sep-2025 01:13:06 JST Cat Hicks

   Cannot believe that tech people will with a straight face try to convince me that hypervigilantly monitoring ten thousand microfeuds and the mental health statuses of OSS Big Deal Guys is an acceptable way to live

   • Haelwenn /элвэн/ :triskell: likes this.
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     Cat Hicks (grimalkina@mastodon.social)'s status on Monday, 22-Sep-2025 01:39:54 JST Cat Hicks

     in reply to

     Tech is not going to be the place that gives you the language or support to name these experiences if they are happening to you. I hope if you are trying to process these kind of experiences -- which are really hard to pin down, really socially diffused, by their nature pretty gaslighty -- you know that you deserve support and validation for processing this. I know distress overtolerance is the cool thing and it's cool to just crack dark jokes but honestly, you deserve comfort.

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     Rich Felker repeated this.
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     ✧✦Catherine✦✧ (whitequark@mastodon.social)'s status on Monday, 22-Sep-2025 01:39:54 JST ✧✦Catherine✦✧

     in reply to

     @grimalkina i had an experience kinda like that soon to be a decade ago and i don't think i've ever really recovered. frankly i don't think recovery was or will be possible; it just changes you forever and you get to live with it now

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     Cat Hicks (grimalkina@mastodon.social)'s status on Monday, 22-Sep-2025 01:39:55 JST Cat Hicks

     in reply to

     Like I already belonged to and figured out how to leave a psychologically controlling church thanks

     Rich Felker repeated this.
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     Cat Hicks (grimalkina@mastodon.social)'s status on Monday, 22-Sep-2025 01:39:55 JST Cat Hicks

     in reply to

     Sincerely though: just watching socially malevolent cascades happen from the outside via what's publicly shared is really difficult, I can only imagine how hard this hits people who have generously given time and brainpower to projects over years. I really worry about that impact, and it reminds me of the kind of social betrayal people in science feel when they discover a collaborator has committed fraud or they watch their field excuse an abusive PI. These are destructive things to experience.

     Rich Felker repeated this.
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     Tea time. (krafttea@mastodon.social)'s status on Monday, 22-Sep-2025 12:14:02 JST Tea time.

     in reply to

     @grimalkina I lost a lot of trust in the inherent goodness of internet "cult-of-personality" heroes, when several people I trusted and respected started telling very similar stories about their experiences with Julian Assange and Jacob Appelbaum. The fact that they were women had little to do with it for me, and yet surprisingly led others to dig in their heels and clutch their pearls.
     It's been profoundly depressing seeing OSS repeatedly betrayed by gatekeepers in need of decentralization.

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     mhoye (mhoye@mastodon.social)'s status on Monday, 22-Sep-2025 12:15:30 JST mhoye

     in reply to

     @grimalkina (I say that from the perspective that “the art of war” is basically the Dr Seuss of military texts, a short guide to keeping the emperor’s slow witted nepo baby failson from throwing away the kingdom at the first sign of trouble. It’s a classic in the same way The Cat In The Hat is a classic, it’s “would you could you with a moat, would you could you with a boat”. But you’ve gotta start somewhere.)

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     mhoye (mhoye@mastodon.social)'s status on Monday, 22-Sep-2025 12:15:31 JST mhoye

     in reply to

     @grimalkina you’ve heard me go on about the simple sabotage manual and “creating a sick system” as assigned reading so people have the language to recognize when these things are being done to them - what would you put on a reading list aimed at psychological self-defense? Like, what’s the “Art Of War” for the protection of the human spirit?

     Rich Felker repeated this.
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     J Miller (jmmaok@mastodon.online)'s status on Monday, 22-Sep-2025 12:15:37 JST J Miller

     in reply to

     @mhoye Maybe Nonviolent Communication by Rosenberg? Or Mutual Aid by Dean Spade, especially chapter 5, No Masters, No Flakes.