Conversation

Hello Everyone.

If I were single and by myself, I wouldn't even be bothering to panhandle anymore. Believe it or not, being an "online grifter" isn't as glorious as they make it out to be. Typing this #begpost today, especially after everything that's happened in the past few weeks, makes my skin crawl.

The guilt is sometimes overwhelming, but the worst part is noticing the drop in interaction I'm getting from *anything* I'm posting as people finally get fed up and mute me.

If I were by myself, I would've given up by now and resigned myself to living in my car.

But I'm not alone.

I have a fragile partner struggling valiantly to survive despite his #CPSTD and a suite of other #MentalIllness symptoms that makes him very vulnerable. And we have a severely co-dependent, overweight Border Collie (who likely also has PTSD). They are extraordinarily bonded and it would devastate my partner to get rid of him.

Regrettably, I only make $16 per hour currently which isn't a livable wage in our area anymore. I'm too unstable and uneducated to expect or to qualify for anything better.

So I must summon all the effort I have within me despite the crushing guilt of burning up everyone else's funds, and beg for even more.

Please forgive me everyone, but for the thousandth time I must plead for #MutualAid support. I've backed us into a corner and we're out of groceries, and the icing on this shit cake is I have two days off in a row tomorrow and Tuesday and no way to pay for it.

The funds from the $350 money order for the apartment application that was laughably denied will be tied up for at least another week (at least I think that's what the woman at the counter said).

We're currently in the cheapest accommodations we could find that wasn't frequently referred to as a "trap house" in the online reviews. (Again, if I were alone I would probably just join them but I don't think it's the most ideal place for my partner and his crippling CPSTD). The room does hover around 80 degrees (~26 celsius) 24/7, and it's roughly a 40-mile round-trip commute but it's relatively clean and safe. If we pay weekly, it isn't substantially more than we would've been paying the for the apartment we wanted anyway.

Unfortunately we're out of groceries again. We used most of a grocery gift card we were given to buy a decent supply of dog food for the next week or two, and now my partner and I are tired and hangry.

We don't have the spoons right now to jump through all the hurdles of public assistance and charity, so I must once again plead with strangers on the internet for help.

I'm sorry everyone. I wish I could get my shit together.

If you're willing AND able, please boost and if possible donate. If you can't donate, *do NOT feel guilty* for being in the same boat as us. Your feelings about it are valid but rest assured you needn't feel bad.

Venmo: https://venmo.com/thegizmotwins
Cashapp: https://cash.app/$thegizmotwins
PP: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/gizmo1982
GFM: https://gofund.me/12171be3