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   kaia (kaia@brotka.st)'s status on Thursday, 30-Jan-2025 17:34:27 JST kaia
   heard advice from a girl saying "sleep together with a dude in same bed without anything sexual to check whether he is serious."
   
   girl, if you can sleep in the same bed with the dude you like with his strong hands holding you, with you feeling his boner rubbing against you and you don't want to fuck him - then I advise against that relationship
   • snacks likes this.
   • Embed this notice
     jonossaseuraava (jonossaseuraava@post.ebin.club)'s status on Thursday, 30-Jan-2025 17:42:08 JST jonossaseuraava

     in reply to
     @kaia
     Uuuuhhhh... I read this as being serious is same as willing to push or test the other person boundaries.
     
     
     Like if I'd share a bed with somebody with the intent of just sleeping, I'd take hufe offence if the other person made sexual advances.
     
     
     Gah. Even thinking about these games and tests made me riled up.
     kaia likes this.
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     :gnu:+bonifartius 𒂼𒄄 (bonifartius@qoto.org)'s status on Thursday, 30-Jan-2025 18:37:08 JST :gnu:+bonifartius 𒂼𒄄

     in reply to

     @kaia probably pretty sane idea to check if you can sleep in one bed without being pressed into fucking instantly. you know, people can enjoy intimacy without getting railed. like amish bundling.

     equaling intimacy with sex is one of the great mistakes of modern society.

     kaia likes this.
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     m0xEE (m0xee@social.librem.one)'s status on Thursday, 30-Jan-2025 18:37:38 JST m0xEE

     in reply to

     • :gnu:+bonifartius 𒂼𒄄

     @bonifartius @kaia
     They aren't two years into their married life and just want to let each other get some sleep — if they aren't attracted to each other sexually at this stage, chances are letting each other get some sleep would be all they would be doing to each other in their married life.
     This might work for some too — there are couples who live happily together for decades and never have sex, but they are certainly not in the majority.

     kaia likes this.
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     φ (fiore@brain.worm.pink)'s status on Thursday, 30-Jan-2025 18:37:58 JST φ

     in reply to

     • poggie ?️‍⚧️

     @kim @kaia dont you know man=sex and woman=lame=no sex

     kaia likes this.
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     poggie ?️‍⚧️ (kim@linfan.moe)'s status on Thursday, 30-Jan-2025 18:38:00 JST poggie ?️‍⚧️

     in reply to
     @kaia maybe she means serious in a way that he wants the relationship and not just the sexual aspect?
     but i personally dont get why you would test that, you could also just talk to each other about your feelings.
     tests like this always make sex out to be "the bad"
     snacks likes this.
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     Kagekokoro (kagekokoro@varishangout.net)'s status on Thursday, 30-Jan-2025 18:38:07 JST Kagekokoro

     in reply to
     @kaia pretty spot on ngl
     But if he has the self control to not want to immediately take you just because you share a bed you know he is serious
     I'm a little torn with this one due to my own experience on the subject
     kaia likes this.
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     Qadse Sanur Qut ibn Quaadibz :catsader: (nerthos@shitposter.world)'s status on Thursday, 30-Jan-2025 18:55:03 JST Qadse Sanur Qut ibn Quaadibz :catsader:

     in reply to
     @kaia I think her calling might be ascetic monk, she should find a convent or monastery.
     kaia likes this.
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     m0xEE (m0xee@social.librem.one)'s status on Friday, 31-Jan-2025 06:00:26 JST m0xEE

     in reply to

     • :gnu:+bonifartius 𒂼𒄄

     @bonifartius
     When the "right time" comes you might suddenly discover that physically you aren't very comfortable with each other, young and inexperienced people tend to idealise the object of their romantic interest, but with part of that magic gone this would lead to disappointment and invoke way more drama.

     @kaia

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     m0xEE (m0xee@social.librem.one)'s status on Friday, 31-Jan-2025 06:00:26 JST m0xEE

     in reply to

     • :gnu:+bonifartius 𒂼𒄄

     @bonifartius
     > you can just communicate that you don't want to have sex
     Sure you can! But with this we are back to square one: if one of you genuinely wants physical intimacy and the other one doesn't, of course this isn't suitable for long term relationship, neither it is for short term — and you won't turn it into long term by sleeping in the same bed, it simply doesn't work and it's best to not get romantically involved at all, this was @kaia 's original point!

     kaia likes this.
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     m0xEE (m0xee@social.librem.one)'s status on Friday, 31-Jan-2025 06:00:27 JST m0xEE

     in reply to

     • :gnu:+bonifartius 𒂼𒄄

     @bonifartius
     So having sex with the one you like and who presumably likes you is wrong because "sixties propaganda" and because smoking crack is wrong? That makes a lot of sense!
     How does this interfere with your long term goals though?
     You aren't getting sex out of the way with this, it's the opposite — you might be fueling interest solely with unfulfilled promise of sex, which might play a cruel joke with young people not good at communicating their intentions.

     @kaia

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     :gnu:+bonifartius 𒂼𒄄 (bonifartius@qoto.org)'s status on Friday, 31-Jan-2025 06:00:28 JST :gnu:+bonifartius 𒂼𒄄

     in reply to

     • m0xEE

     @m0xee @kaia
     > "Not having sex" isn't something valuable in its own right, you aren't getting any bonus points for that — you're just depriving yourself (and presumably the other party too) of some fun and for a rather spurious reason 🤷

     not smoking crack also is depriving myself of some fun for the spurious reason that some people can't handle it and will choose smoking crack all the time instead of long term goals in the future.

     sex isn't just some fun, even if 60 years of propaganda say otherwise. the spurious reason is that not giving in to every impulse is good for the psyche.

     like, you can just communicate that you don't want to have sex. if there is nothing else to do or this request invokes drama, it's not long term anyway. that goes for both sexes.

   • Embed this notice
     m0xEE (m0xee@social.librem.one)'s status on Friday, 31-Jan-2025 06:00:29 JST m0xEE

     in reply to

     • :gnu:+bonifartius 𒂼𒄄

     @bonifartius
     > you just don't have to follow through?
     Why?
     > you will likely be able to do so years later
     Most married couples manage even without taking such tests early on 😅

     "Not having sex" isn't something valuable in its own right, you aren't getting any bonus points for that — you're just depriving yourself (and presumably the other party too) of some fun and for a rather spurious reason 🤷

     @kaia

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     :gnu:+bonifartius 𒂼𒄄 (bonifartius@qoto.org)'s status on Friday, 31-Jan-2025 06:00:30 JST :gnu:+bonifartius 𒂼𒄄

     in reply to

     • m0xEE

     @m0xee @kaia of course you can be attracted to each other, you just don't have to follow through?

     might actually be more sensible. if you are able to spend time together without sex early on, you will likely be able to do so years later.