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   Ms. Que Banh (phoenixserenity@beige.party)'s status on Wednesday, 15-Jan-2025 02:13:41 JST Ms. Que Banh

   You know the most common excuse I hear, from people I know, who won't leave Facebook or Instagram is: All my family & friends are there. If I leave, I lose touch with them.

   I have often questioned how mass social media has actually helped to degrade communication & lower our quality of relationships more than enhanced/benefited. People don't communicate much in slow time, offline much anymore. I've seen for myself how being digitally dependent for social connections has harmed families & social circles & our communities as a whole. I have questioned myself & others on how strong your relationships truly are if all communication ceases once you personally choose to leave popular social media platforms.

   This is one of a few reasons that I try my best to keep doing offline, slow communication & relationships building work & not be too digitally dependent on any online medium for my human connections.

   #Ponderments

   • Rich Felker repeated this.
   • Embed this notice
     Ari Gardens as a Verb (arisummerland@beige.party)'s status on Wednesday, 15-Jan-2025 02:13:40 JST Ari Gardens as a Verb

     in reply to

     @PhoenixSerenity Well-said.

     I hear the same 99.9% of the time. "it's the only way I can stay connected with people" etc. (BS, I say! It is a choice, and it is a detrimental one.)

     I experienced, in real time, the precipitous drop in "social" connection when I purposefully stepped away from Facebook and Instagram.

     Fortunately, two years out now, some people whom I cherish have started realizing that I'm not around there, and are reaching out in other ways.

     Those are real friends.

     I love your term "slow time"!

     I am going to start including it in my communications with people.

     Hey, do you want to go hang out in slow time? 🥰

     Rich Felker repeated this.
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     Ms. Que Banh (phoenixserenity@beige.party)'s status on Wednesday, 15-Jan-2025 02:14:16 JST Ms. Que Banh

     in reply to

     • Ari Gardens as a Verb

     @arisummerland I try to make at least one slow time friend date every week. Either by video call, phone chat, offline hangout or something else that suits both parties. Doing this regularly has strengthened my connections with others.

     I believe at least 2 friends are going to finally ditch FB after 15 years due to the trans censorship policies. I really hope they don't stay & find out how much worse FB can sink.

   • Embed this notice
     Allyson Shaw (allysonshaw@wandering.shop)'s status on Thursday, 16-Jan-2025 04:55:50 JST Allyson Shaw

     in reply to

     • Ari Gardens as a Verb

     @arisummerland The heartbreaking thing is that FB/IG is the only way I find out whether one of my friends has died. I realised that as I became invisible on FB & IG, and began to disengage, I also became invisible to people I thought were friends. It was heartbreaking, especially because I avoid gatherings because of the pandemic.

     I imagine some who are resistant to leaving know this is the price they will pay.
     Thank you
     @PhoenixSerenity for holding space for this conversation.

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     Allyson Shaw (allysonshaw@wandering.shop)'s status on Thursday, 16-Jan-2025 04:55:51 JST Allyson Shaw

     in reply to

     • Ari Gardens as a Verb

     @arisummerland @PhoenixSerenity What you are saying really hits home to me, Ari. I still go onto Meta products to check in, too--maybe once a month. There will be a time when I delete, but that hasn't come yet. I think if you are not a habitual/addicted user, the interface feels immediately toxic and infiltrated by bots and ads already. The people who have stayed are inured to this.

     Dr. Eric J. Fielding, PhD repeated this.
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     Allyson Shaw (allysonshaw@wandering.shop)'s status on Thursday, 16-Jan-2025 04:55:52 JST Allyson Shaw

     in reply to

     • Ari Gardens as a Verb

     @arisummerland @PhoenixSerenity I realise that I don’t see information I need or want on those platforms- even though the potential seems to be there- it’s the carrot. Disinformation spreads, wedged between your grandparents or your friends from high school or a Bot that looks vaguely familiar and who you can’t block. ( a design feature of the new AI profiles on Meta- they can’t be blocked). I find it so sinister. Thank you.

   • Embed this notice
     Ari Gardens as a Verb (arisummerland@beige.party)'s status on Thursday, 16-Jan-2025 04:55:52 JST Ari Gardens as a Verb

     in reply to

     • Allyson Shaw

     @AllysonShaw @PhoenixSerenity "Sinister" is a good word for it! It feels greasy and horrible, especially if you have not been immersing yourself in that environment constantly.

     I still go on there sometimes -- lately because I'm trying to promote a friend of mine's contest that he's in. The only way people can vote for him is on Facebook. I hate that!

     The whole experience feels abhorrent to me.

     I will try scrolling to get information or updates about real people and the ratio is about seven ads/bots/promoted posts to every one post from somebody I actually know.

     When FB first started out, and when I was on it originally in 2009, it was amazing. A diary site that a number of people and I wrote on had imploded, and we all made an exodus to Facebook to stay in touch. I would see those people's posts, I would see people that I knew, my best friend and I would chat, those days were glorious!

     Now, this is glorious. I just don't have a whole lot of people whom I know in real life here. I'm trying to get them over here.

     Instagram started getting as bad a couple of years ago as well. I opened a new account to promote a foster dog that I thought I was going to get, but didn't really populate it because I didn't get the dog.

     Since I was only following like six people on the new accounte, everything else I saw was ads. 🤬

     I've missed out on information about people dying, funerals, celebrations of life, and also good things like weddings, concerts, etc. (Though I do not go places where there are crowds anymore because of the pandemic.) Yet so rarely do any of those folks remember to reach out and go, Ari might want to do this thing, too!

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     Allyson Shaw (allysonshaw@wandering.shop)'s status on Thursday, 16-Jan-2025 04:55:54 JST Allyson Shaw

     in reply to

     • Ari Gardens as a Verb

     @PhoenixSerenity @arisummerland it had definitely taught me who are my true friends- will you bother to find another way to be connected to me, or would you rather Meta mediated all your relationships, including ours? I love that, slow time.

   • Embed this notice
     Ari Gardens as a Verb (arisummerland@beige.party)'s status on Thursday, 16-Jan-2025 04:55:54 JST Ari Gardens as a Verb

     in reply to

     • Allyson Shaw

     @AllysonShaw @PhoenixSerenity I love that perspective, of Meta mediating everybody's relationships. I am going to start bringing that up in conversations when people bring up Facebook and what they've seen on Facebook etc. that is a very important perspective, I think. Thank you!

   • Embed this notice
     MoiraEve (moiraeve@mastodon.world)'s status on Thursday, 16-Jan-2025 05:10:44 JST MoiraEve

     in reply to

     @PhoenixSerenity When I left Facebook after being on it for 13 years, I got guilt-tripped by a relative who said that if I left Facebook, it was going to “hurt the closeness of the family.” I replied, what, you can’t pick up the phone once in a while? I mean, it’s codswallop what people will say to you to get you to toe the line.

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     Artemis (artemis@dice.camp)'s status on Thursday, 16-Jan-2025 05:32:42 JST Artemis

     in reply to

     @PhoenixSerenity
     From what I have seen whenever I have logged on to Facebook in the past 5 years is that you mostly don't see posts by the real people you are friends with in your Facebook feed, so unless people are visiting their friends' individual timelines to see what they post, it's not like they are even seeing pictures of people's families or whatever

     All I ever see is ads and "x friend liked this meme stolen from Twitter posted on some random FB page you don't give 2 shits about"

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     Artemis (artemis@dice.camp)'s status on Thursday, 16-Jan-2025 05:32:43 JST Artemis

     in reply to

     @PhoenixSerenity
     The only thing social media helps with for staying connected this is that, if you're friends with someone, you could hypothetically message them through the app. Mostly I don't think people do. It's just the comfort of knowing that you *could*. The "connection" is almost entirely fictional.

     Rich Felker repeated this.