Vagina Museum
Another day, another cursed old-timey patent for stuff which interfaces with vaginas and vulvas. Today we're taking you to the distant past, an era long, long ago, where life was very different: 1999.
Meet patent US5920923A, the Hydro-Therapeutic Stimulator.
Vagina Museum
Those of you who are familiar with our ongoing series on patents will probably instinctively recoil and sigh "oh gosh, it's the most overengineered douche of all. 1800s concept with 1999 technology".
We are pleased to inform you that just this once it's not a douche. Yes, it's designed to spray water at the genital area, but this bad boy is in fact designed specifically with the purpose of masturbation in mind.
Vagina Museum
Yup, this is the purpose of the doohickey: "discharged water from the circulation pump automatically aligns with and is directed to stimulation points (e.g., the clitoris) of the female user when the female user sits in the seat." It's for wanking.
Robert Link
@vagina_museum "Might as well put the jets where the gals want 'em."
Have some Eno with that? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gt3rKxRvmO4
Vagina Museum
The other detail which we feel obliged to share with you is that Jillette did not tend to use the term "Hydro-Therapeutic Stimulator" in his daily life to describe his invention.
He called it the Jill-Jet.
Vagina Museum
You might have noticed we haven't yet shared the name of the inventor of the Hydro-Therapeutic Stimulator. We shall do so now: it's Penn Jillette. The magician. That one. The one from Penn & Teller. He invented the wanking jacuzzi.
Vagina Museum
Now, it's worth noting that in general, a hot tub probably isn't going to damage vaginal health, spraying water in the general direction may harm your vaginal flora. Also, that water needs to be very clean. You don't want to be squirting bacteria up there.
However, there are further details which make this patent just a little more cursed.
Vagina Museum
Basically, the way you get into it is: "In operation, a female user sits within tub 12 so that her butt is snugly received and supported by supporting surface 25 of base 24 and her back is reclined against backrest 22." Then switch on the jets, adjust, and have fun.
Vagina Museum
So there you have it. Our first celebrity patent. Does it belong in the ranks of the truly cursed? Or is the honesty about masturbation a breath of fresh air? At the very least, it's not a douche for once.
Vagina Museum
Usually we will conclude our reviews of patents by telling you that the object never went into production. We cannot do so here. One, just one, Jill-Jet was built. And it's installed at Penn Jillette's house.
He says that his female friends and wives of friends really seem to enjoy the thing.
Developing Stacy :pico8:
Typically hot tubs and jacuzzis stay clean through chlorinating and ph balancing the water. That probably solves the bacteria problem but I can't imagine chlorinated water up the chuff does any good in there.
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