What I'm currently sitting with, in a deeper, harder way: how insane would it be to decide that I don't want this?
Because I don't want this, not this way.
What I'm currently sitting with, in a deeper, harder way: how insane would it be to decide that I don't want this?
Because I don't want this, not this way.
To do what we are about to is to believe with my body and to demand that my family believe with theirs that we do not have a future in the US anymore and that we will be safer somewhere else.
What I want to choose, though, is what I had. I want Vermont, yes, and I want UU ministry. I want to be in the parish again and see it through, thick and thin, with a people. I want to be an American in all the beautiful terrible possibility filled rocking it whiffing it complexity that has ever meant.
But I think mostly I also want it to be last week.
I want to choose last week. Last year. The last time the world felt normal which I can't even really remember but it might have been sometime in 2010.
I want what I wanted and I don't know if that is available anymore or ever will be again.
Maybe in this way, I can relate a bit to republicans in this election: I don't think (and I do realize how patronizing this sounds/is ... which doesn't take away from my nevertheless observing it to be true) that they truly understood what it was they were choosing. They were trying to choose something not on offer. They were trying to choose against something that wasn't clearly labeled. And they ended up choosing what, under the sheep suit, was 'fuck everyone and also the planet.'
But it's hard to choose well when things are changing so fast and the future feels so unstable that we don't know what we will need, and also the choices themselves are obscured and mislabeled.
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