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   goatsarah (goatsarah@thegoatery.dyndns.org)'s status on Friday, 06-Sep-2024 07:07:24 JST goatsarah

   OK, so I basically have undiagnosed ADHD, and my life is organised to accommodate that, so I have no real interest in a diagnosis.

   But I found myself wondering about this weird hypocritical thing that a lot of neurotypical people do, and that's regarding conversations. Neurotypical people will talk over each other constantly and interrupt, and so if you, as a neurodiverse person, have something useful to contribute, you too have to interrupt because if you wait for a gap, it will never come.

   But while they allow interruptions from each other, they don't allow them from us. They'll stop for each other, bit for us they'll keep going too, until we shut up.

   So I tried searching online for insight about why this happens, and I kept finding articles written by neurotypical people that were all along the lines of, "Hey ADHD people, here's how to stop interrupting us!"

   And my response was, "you absolute, totally self-unaware, fucking hypocrites!"

   And then I finally found something that explained it.

   When neurodiverse people talk to each other, we generally have two goals:
   

   1. Information exchange
   2. Mutual enjoyment

   Turns out that when neuro "typical" people talk to each other, information exchange is usually not actually that important, and they're doing something that we basically don't in these situations: they're setting and reinforcing social status.

   We, of course, simply do not play this game, largely because IT'S COMPLETELY FUCKING STUPID AND PATHETIC, which means we are automatically awarded a "game" score of zero, and therefore do not get to speak.

   And if we try to speak, we are "interrupting" and "being rude", even if we supply information which is relevant to the alleged topic, and even if we're literally the most qualified person in the room on it.

   This explains why we can have conversations with other neurodiverse people just fine. We aren't playing the stupid rutting game.

   I am honestly shocked by this revelation. Like, it's barely one step removed from picking ticks off of each other and eating them. I'm also massively fucking depressed, because this utter obsession that the neurotypical world seems to have with comparative status if a massive reason why we can't have nice things. They treat the world like it's pie, and they have to have a bigger piece than everyone else, even if that means their piece is far smaller than if they'd just cooperated to bake a bigger pie, and share it fairly.

   Anyway, bit of a revelation to me. Shit one, but there we are.

   • Embed this notice
     goatsarah (goatsarah@thegoatery.dyndns.org)'s status on Friday, 06-Sep-2024 07:08:16 JST goatsarah

     in reply to
     Seriously, some of these NT lot strike me as being one hot meal away from humping the furniture sometimes, present company excepted.
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     Alisdair Calder McGregor (a_c_mcgregor@topspicy.social)'s status on Friday, 06-Sep-2024 07:22:53 JST Alisdair Calder McGregor

     in reply to

     @goatsarah This is why I've had to stop talking politics to my father. He isn't actually interested in the facts; he just wants his opinions to be taken as true, even when they are bullshit.

     I am incapable of letting bullshit stand.

     goatsarah likes this.
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     goatsarah (goatsarah@thegoatery.dyndns.org)'s status on Friday, 06-Sep-2024 07:23:55 JST goatsarah

     in reply to

     • Alisdair Calder McGregor

     @A_C_McGregor Same, and I get very angry.

     Apparently we "feel emotions too strongly". I just think we have a functioning conscience.

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     gz (godzero@sfba.social)'s status on Friday, 06-Sep-2024 07:29:04 JST gz

     in reply to

     @goatsarah
     That's a very interesting and useful insight. Thanks.

     goatsarah likes this.
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     goatsarah (goatsarah@thegoatery.dyndns.org)'s status on Saturday, 07-Sep-2024 11:20:09 JST goatsarah

     in reply to

     • 1ngi
     @1ngi Feeling is mutual, my lovely x
   • Embed this notice
     1ngi (1ngi@sunbeam.city)'s status on Saturday, 07-Sep-2024 11:20:10 JST 1ngi

     in reply to

     @goatsarah As another suspected ADHDer I found this fascinating. I know I like to chat for connection too, sharing mutual experiences, demonstrating where we relate, like a dance of shared personal info that makes you feel closer to each other. Which again doesn't fit in with your NT examples. Also *hugs* and I have spent some happy times in your company listening to you.