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   Eleanor Saitta (dymaxion@infosec.exchange)'s status on Thursday, 15-Aug-2024 00:01:08 JST Eleanor Saitta

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   • Quinn Norton

   @quinn
   ❤️❤️❤️

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     Quinn Norton (quinn@social.circl.lu)'s status on Thursday, 15-Aug-2024 00:01:09 JST Quinn Norton

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     Be gentle out there with yourself and each other.

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     Quinn Norton (quinn@social.circl.lu)'s status on Thursday, 15-Aug-2024 00:01:10 JST Quinn Norton

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     So I will do as generations have done before me... I will try to wait it out. I will try, along with my partner, to find more strange medical voodoos that might help. I suggested looking into TMS recently, and why not? Why not anything to stay alive and try to get back on track?

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     Quinn Norton (quinn@social.circl.lu)'s status on Thursday, 15-Aug-2024 00:01:11 JST Quinn Norton

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     There is still no clinical physiological tests for Depression, or pretty much anything that haunts the DSM. Some research has been done with scans, but very little conclusive data has come out of it. We're barely beyond humors when it comes to this stuff.

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     Quinn Norton (quinn@social.circl.lu)'s status on Thursday, 15-Aug-2024 00:01:13 JST Quinn Norton

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     Despite knowing a lot about mental illnesses, we also know barely anything about them, where they come from, how they affect different body systems, so. many. things. Mostly clinicians just try things and hope the patient eventually says they're feeling better.

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     Quinn Norton (quinn@social.circl.lu)'s status on Thursday, 15-Aug-2024 00:01:14 JST Quinn Norton

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     Right now I have a stomach ache. And a headache. Weirdly I barely care about them. I am nauseated for no reason.

     Depression isn't a head disease, it's a whole body disease. People experience muscle weakness, digestive problems, skin sensitivity. Headaches, joint pain, stiffness.

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     Quinn Norton (quinn@social.circl.lu)'s status on Thursday, 15-Aug-2024 00:01:15 JST Quinn Norton

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     But I also know it's very hard to keep going with this disease. Everything is harder, and I often feel like I just can't get any energy to my brain for no damn reasons. Nothing feels good. And that makes you feel like you're letting the people who care about you down, because everything they do to help, it can't help. Access to life just isn't there. You can't cheer up someone if their cheering up bit is offline.

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     Quinn Norton (quinn@social.circl.lu)'s status on Thursday, 15-Aug-2024 00:01:16 JST Quinn Norton

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     I know that sounds weird, but as someone who has very few options, people just passing on potential solutions when I have so little hope, it's just painful. It's like watching someone with a infection refusing an antibiotic. Why add to the suffering the world like that?

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     Quinn Norton (quinn@social.circl.lu)'s status on Thursday, 15-Aug-2024 00:01:17 JST Quinn Norton

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     I know that sounds crazy, but maaaan ask the people who have lived with me when I was trying to take them. Basically my memory ides by day two. It's always the same Tuesday in my world, when I'm trying Lexapro.

     Ironically I think Escitalopram is a wonderful drug and have recommended it to dozens of people over the years, and sat down with them to talk about their fears and options. But I can't take it. If there's a drug that helps you be better, please take it. For yourself, but also for me.

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     Quinn Norton (quinn@social.circl.lu)'s status on Thursday, 15-Aug-2024 00:01:18 JST Quinn Norton

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     Talk therapy can be of some use, but usually anti-depressants are first line, and talk therapy is mostly there to help with the psycho-social effects that arise from having MDD.

     Technically I have failed nearly every class of drugs used to treat MDD. That's the clinical term -- what it really means is that either they don't work for me or (in most cases) I can't take them. And I really can't, the side effects are rare and intolerable. SSRIs basically give me anterograde amnesia.

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     Quinn Norton (quinn@social.circl.lu)'s status on Thursday, 15-Aug-2024 00:01:19 JST Quinn Norton

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     I know we have this idea that we should talk about all these things, but that can be a mixed bag with MDD. Sometimes talking about it releases a pressure valve, but sometimes it just makes it much worse. Right now, writing this is giving me a headache. Physical symptoms of MDD are quite common and very personal! Some people have no energy. Some people twitch. I am currently nauseous for absolutely no good reason.
     
     These days MDD is mostly treated with pharmaceuticals.

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     Quinn Norton (quinn@social.circl.lu)'s status on Thursday, 15-Aug-2024 00:01:20 JST Quinn Norton

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     I'm still in pajamas as I type this and it's 4pm. That's not always a sign of MDD, but it's not great.

     The thing is I know a ton about this disease, have had it since childhood. (though you can't technically be dx'd with it as a child, I have experienced what I am experiencing now before the age of 10)

     Sometimes it take a violent turn. Not me, it. My mind goes violently unhappy, but I don't really act out. I just have hell going on behind my eyes, which I generally don't share.

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     Quinn Norton (quinn@social.circl.lu)'s status on Thursday, 15-Aug-2024 00:01:21 JST Quinn Norton

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     MDD is Major Depressive Disorder, aka Clinical Depression. It's a mental illness that affects mood, but it also comes with physical symptoms. Low energy, low motivation, sadness, overeating, undereating, (I do both) inability to concentrate. It's extremely hard to get dressed and go do things when you're suffering with MDD, even things you know need to happen, even things that might make the condition better. MDD is a disease that seeks to preserve itself. It's not just being down.

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     Quinn Norton (quinn@social.circl.lu)'s status on Thursday, 15-Aug-2024 00:01:22 JST Quinn Norton

     It's one of those days when I'm fighting with MDD, and people on the internet keep saying silly ass shit to me.