Degree Results Day thread 🧵
3/n
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Highs and “supposed” lows, plus my actual results:
Had a long medical appt yesterday and also spent most of the day in some excited or anxious state that I can’t quite pinpoint. I was basically massively overwhelmed! Felt like I wasn’t in my body.
Here’s what happened:
I planned to check the results portal later in the day when I felt more stable healthwise (almost always feel worst first thing in the morning due to ME/CFS symptoms). This was also because there was major ambiguity around when the results would be released: ambiguity around the day and also time of day! Aargh!
BUT! Instead, my lovely ADHD brain automatically checked my university email because it saw a new email waiting there. It was ~8.30am, and results were due to be released either at 10am or 4pm 🤔 so I was sure it would be about something else.
It wasn’t.
It was from a Professor I know well who has had a major contribution to my studies and was a reference for my Masters applications.
The subject line said “congrats”. 😳
…I mean WHO gets emails from professors saying congratulations!
I checked for other recipients… I was the only one. SHIT!
I opened the email… this is a quote:
“Congratulations on your top First! Not often one sees marks like yours.”
WHAT the ACTUAL flipadoodle….
The one thing I’ve been hoping for is a plain statement about what classification my degree is so I don’t have to worry if I miscalculated it myself. I was thinking it would be great if a member of staff told me. And they just did!!!! But… WHAT!
So I was immediately in shock. All I know is I felt EVERYTHING on FULL VOLUME from then on. I got a bit shaky (probably due to not feeling quite strong enough yet in my body to handle all these strong feelings), I was close to tears, confused, in disbelief…
Then I sat with the information. And started this thread before telling anyone.
The lows?
I checked my detailed module results later and they say my results for my final two modules were below what I hoped, including for one module that captured my heart and I put all my effort into. And so…. THERE was the swing from major positive to what felt like major negative! What a rollercoaster.
But/and I’m so grateful for the ego check! I am not “gifted”. I worked my butt off, threw myself into my studies and study skills workshops because I recognised the gift that it is to even BE at university in later life. I can count at least 5 major events that were out of my control that likely helped me stay at uni versus drop out, so I was helped massively by serendipity.
The final slight wobble: the results portal says the classification is only a “recommended” one, awaiting confirmation next week?! On the date that the whole cohort is having the graduation ceremony! (I opted out.) My university is wild.
So. Yeah.
“Top First”. A personal congratulations from a Professor.
It’s no wonder the loudest thought in my head has been shouting, “THIS IS NOT MY LIFE!” Because it hasn’t ever been. It was other people’s around me, and I still see myself as a 2:1 (upper second class, next level down) of degree level. Even though I’ve averaged first class marks every year of my degree… it still feels like the marks MUST be wrong.
Which is why I attacked grade boundaries. Performance of peers in our cohort affect the grade boundaries, changing the classification. So I decided to invalidate my grades in order to prove to myself that achieving this so-called “top first” was wrong.
Today, though, is a new day…
Haven’t told anyone but my partner so far. Decided to pace it… knowing that when I tell wider family like my mum, there may be a lot of forced fuss.
Phew… wish me luck today. Hoping for no pressurised fuss from others, only good vibes. Hoping to pace this well.
P.S. OMG! I even GOT a degree in the first place?!!!! WHAT!
@actuallyautistic@a.gup.pe
Rimu
JB 🐎🏳️🌈
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