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1. Embed this notice
   Tattie (tattie@eldritch.cafe)'s status on Thursday, 21-Mar-2024 23:19:54 JST Tattie

   There's absolutely nothing wrong with folks having a "non-binary phase" before deciding they're just a trans woman/man. Sometimes identities do shift; that's something to celebrate!

   But for god's sake that doesn't mean that every non-binary person is on that same trajectory. Do not imply to us that it's "just a matter of time" before we embrace the binary. It's patronising and invalidating.

   There's enough pressure from cishet society to conform to the gender binary in order to be accepted. We don't need more of the same from our own community.

   Non-binary people deserve a space to define and explore our own identities, play with presentations, in our own time and our own terms. Some binary trans folk, respectfully, need to learn to be more comfortable granting us that space, that autonomy.

   Even those who had a "non-binary phase" themselves. Especially them, in fact. 🙃

   • Embed this notice
     Kit Rhett Aultman (roadriverrail@signs.codes)'s status on Thursday, 21-Mar-2024 23:19:52 JST Kit Rhett Aultman

     in reply to

     @Tattie Absolutely all of this, and it's a mirror of the "bisexual as waystation to gay/lesbian" trope. And...yes, if it is, that's fine. But I literally lived in "I see too much boy in the mirror, but I'm not a girl" land for decades waiting for the world to confirm that this, too, happens, and that it, too, deserves respect, dignity, and support. Part of me does want binary transition, but not all of me. And that's fine.

   • Embed this notice
     Kit Rhett Aultman (roadriverrail@signs.codes)'s status on Friday, 22-Mar-2024 02:59:01 JST Kit Rhett Aultman

     in reply to

     • Doc Impossible

     @Impossible_PhD @Tattie Someone very dear to me, someone whom I consider my "trans big sister" despite the fact she's younger than me, recently told me that, while she was definitely keeping up her transition goals, she's ultimately coming to identify as non-binary transfemme rather than a trans woman. First time I've personally encountered it, but it's heartwarming to have that in a friend. It's like she and I see each other from different sides of the same experiences.

   • Embed this notice
     Doc Impossible (impossible_phd@hachyderm.io)'s status on Friday, 22-Mar-2024 02:59:02 JST Doc Impossible

     in reply to

     @Tattie *Hammering* that retoot button because FUCK YES! And the inverse can be true too--people can have a binary phase before realizing that they're not! And that's fucking fantastic!

     Assigning gender is the tool of our enemy. We do not need it. We must not use it!