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   💜 DetectaBeryl 🩷 :bunRetro: (rasp@raru.re)'s status on Thursday, 14-Dec-2023 01:09:57 JST 💜 DetectaBeryl 🩷 :bunRetro:

   I should just go die already. I'm tired and nobody is stepping up to actually do something to change my mind.

   That seems like validation enough I was right.

   • Embed this notice
     💜 DetectaBeryl 🩷 :bunRetro: (rasp@raru.re)'s status on Thursday, 14-Dec-2023 01:50:33 JST 💜 DetectaBeryl 🩷 :bunRetro:

     in reply to

     • Jamie Blumberg

     @jamie_blumberg I cant. I was already on borrowed time.

   • Embed this notice
     Jamie Blumberg (jamie_blumberg@hachyderm.io)'s status on Thursday, 14-Dec-2023 01:50:34 JST Jamie Blumberg

     in reply to

     @Rasp I’ve had some of the worst depressive episodes of my life this year. What I told my therapist is that “I don't want to kill myself, but I understand why someone would want to". The hopelessness is paralyzing.

     But despite all of that (and I'm not trying to brag or gloat) I still have so much good going on and so much to look forward to plus spite for the forces that are trying to drag me down by persevering.

     I hope that you are able to find that too.

     kaia likes this.
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     💜 DetectaBeryl 🩷 :bunRetro: (rasp@raru.re)'s status on Thursday, 14-Dec-2023 01:53:01 JST 💜 DetectaBeryl 🩷 :bunRetro:

     in reply to

     • Jamie Blumberg

     @jamie_blumberg I've never had ANYONE ever in 35 years. No real friends no family. Nobody to count on when I really need it.

   • Embed this notice
     Jamie Blumberg (jamie_blumberg@hachyderm.io)'s status on Thursday, 14-Dec-2023 01:53:02 JST Jamie Blumberg

     in reply to

     @Rasp And as someone who is currently going through a divorce and hasn't been intimate with anyone for close to 4 years… the desire for touch and companionship is *strong*.

     So not to equivocate or compare, but I empathize with your concerns about not being enough or worthy of that kind of love.l