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   not sam (samiam@lor.sh)'s status on Friday, 27-Oct-2023 21:24:30 JST not sam

   @actuallyautistic #ActuallyAutistic so many thanks to those who have made feel feel heard and welcome here in the past weeks. the story thus far: 41 years of "muddling thru" depression, anxiety, misc mysterious health problems, etc when one day a new friend (very rare!) shared with me that they are autistic, and respectfully asked me if i might be too.
   this [re]kindled lots of thoughts and feels and sent me down a path of recognizing and uncovering some fairly autistic-seeming traits and behaviors that i had been ignoring or suppressing. i have lately been thinking of myself as "provisionally autistic" which is how i'm trying to walk this line between, one the one hand, not mentally framing Autism As One True The Explanation For Everything and stretching things to try to force them to fit; and, on the other hand, not giving in to Autistic Imposter Syndrome. i want "provisionally autistic" to be a comfortable in-between place where i can "let myself be as autistic as i am" without "trying to be autistic when i'm not" and just observe myself and see how it goes. if that makes any sense?

   but (and this is a question mainly to all you late/recent adult [self/]dx folks out there, but of course also anyone else who wants to respond):
   How do you KNOW?
   i'm stuck in this place where lots of things seem relatable and plausible but there is no sense of AHA IT FITS. there's no THIS FINALLY EXPLAINS IT. i know it's early for me yet -- i've been taking this seriously for weeks not years -- and i probably have to be patient with myself . . . but ggghhhghg.
   maybe i'm just venting? i don't know. i'm having a day.

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     clacke (clacke@libranet.de)'s status on Friday, 27-Oct-2023 21:43:01 JST clacke

     in reply to

     @samiam I definitely have some AuDHD traits. I've been considering a diagnosis and that might help me with some things like work situations, but I'm 45 years old and have been doing mostly ok, if a bit exhausted from time to time from all the compensating to fit expectations.

     What helps me the most is just to hang in neurodiverse communities, nod along when people share observations and coping stories, to feel I have the right to be how I am, and to know that if I made some effort I could probably find meatspace people I could feel relaxed with. (I have solid people going 30+ years back and I love them to bits, but they're not in the right city/continent and we meet annually or less)

     So, I may call myself "has some AuDHD traits" as a shorthand to help set expectations, but mostly I just seek out people I feel comfy with and that's what really matters.

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     kel (kel@mastodon.online)'s status on Friday, 27-Oct-2023 22:50:46 JST kel

     in reply to

     @samiam @actuallyautistic

     Why provisionally? You don't need a 'full license' to reflect on yourself and whether or not you are something, if there is something helpful in understanding by thinking in a certain set of terms, then go for it.

     If you find yourself in a position where an external diagnosis would be helpful, go for it.

     You also don't have to let anyone get away with questioning your process, that's seriously not cool and it upsets me that some people would do this.

     Be safe 🕊️

     clacke likes this.
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     masukomi (masukomi@connectified.com)'s status on Friday, 27-Oct-2023 22:50:58 JST masukomi

     in reply to

     • kel

     @kel @samiam @actuallyautistic default disclaimer that if you’re in the US an official diagnosis will prevent you from adopting or fostering, and if child services ever has a concern can lead to them taking the kids away.

     clacke likes this.
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     Captain Janegay 🫖 (captainjanegay@mastodon.coffee)'s status on Friday, 27-Oct-2023 22:51:05 JST Captain Janegay 🫖

     in reply to

     @samiam @actuallyautistic ... I also saw all the things about my own life and experience that have never made sense, that have made me feel broken and like a different species from the people around me, represented in other autistic people's accounts of their own lives, often explained in ways I would never have been able to explain them. Nobody else, not even me, had ever understood me like that.

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     Captain Janegay 🫖 (captainjanegay@mastodon.coffee)'s status on Friday, 27-Oct-2023 22:51:06 JST Captain Janegay 🫖

     in reply to

     @samiam @actuallyautistic I spent a long time describing myself as "probably autistic", too. It's fine, there's no rush to come to a conclusion.

     What helped me the most was seeking out lots of different accounts from different autistic people. I read lots of memoirs and essay collections and scientific studies (only the good ones, though - there are a LOT of very bad studies into autism). A lot of what I read didn't resonate with me, but...