Conversation

Notices

1. Embed this notice
   Terra: Chaos Lesbian (terra@chaosfem.tw)'s status on Saturday, 02-Sep-2023 02:29:21 JST Terra: Chaos Lesbian

   Roller derby practice last night was hard. It was really hard.

   I'm paying for it today physically. I fell on my ass a couple times so bad that I had to get pulled out for whiplash and concussion checks. And I spent an embarrassing amount of time on the bench just crying.

   I'm also paying for it emotionally, because the voices in my head won't shut up and just keep screaming about not deserving to be there and not being good enough and having no right trying because I'm not even a real girl and all kinds of fakeness and failure talk.

   And all I kept thinking was that I went through boot camp twice, and it was never that hard. I never cried in boot camp.

   I'm pretty damn compromised today.

   • Embed this notice
     Kit Rhett Aultman (roadriverrail@signs.codes)'s status on Saturday, 02-Sep-2023 02:29:19 JST Kit Rhett Aultman

     in reply to

     @Terra I say this as a derby referee and officer of my league -- you are not fake and you belong in derby. You're going to get knocked on your ass. You're going to get banged up. But unless your league is full of assholes, there will always be someone to help you up, to tell you they've been there before, to help you get ready to do it again. Be patient. Be kind with yourself. Do what you must to come back again. Every time you come back is one more step in the journey.

   • Embed this notice
     Kit Rhett Aultman (roadriverrail@signs.codes)'s status on Saturday, 02-Sep-2023 02:32:47 JST Kit Rhett Aultman

     in reply to

     @Terra Remember there's a part in you that's crazy enough to call you on. That's why you're there. It didn't go away. Those voices in your head are just shouting over it. When you're more still and quiet, it'll take you by the hand again and say "Let's go again. This feeds us."