mekka okereke :verified:
*This thread is for straight men only.*
How to read the news about the head of the Spanish soccer Federation (a man) forcibly kissing a player on the Spanish women's team on the lips, after winning the world cup. You might be thinking:
* What's the big deal? They're European! It's their culture!
* And she smiled afterwards!
* It was just spontaneous! He was overcome with emotion!
* She released a statement saying that what's important to focus on is the victory!
mekka okereke :verified:
The "abusing in plain sight" is the thing that men that do this rely on. They rely on women's fear of "making a big scene" or "distracting from the celebratory moment and killing the vibe" to stay silent/not complain.
No, it doesn't even matter if they had dated previously. She didn't want him to kiss her at that moment, and on some level he knew that, and did it anyway, removing her ability to say no.
It's also incredibly selfish. It makes her moment about him.
mekka okereke :verified:
Situational power is what men rely on to get away with things like this.
There's a big difference between a greeting kiss on the cheek, and a kiss on the lips. He held her head to remove her chance of turning her face at the last second. Not OK.
Her immediate reaction was a nervous smile and laughter. Very common. Her 5 minutes later reaction was saying that the kiss was unwanted and that she didn't like it. Her 1 hr later "reaction" was the official statement.
Masonic Cowgirl
@mjf_pro @mekkaokereke it's definitely not "their culture", it goes against the regulations of the Spanish football association and there were recent attempts to pass a law on sexual assault that would be far stricter than anywhere in the Anglosphere, taking the burden of proof away from victims and putting it on perpetrators
Michael Fisher
@mekkaokereke “It’s their culture!” — a culture in which consent for physical content is irrelevant isn’t one that should be applauded let alone even tolerated.
mekka okereke :verified:
You'll also notice that there were hundreds of Spanish men at the celebration... but only he did that.
This is not Spanish culture, or "men" culture.
Unfortunately, what is part of "men culture," is justifying, or downplaying, or minimizing how inappropriate this is. Our collective downplaying creates the conditions where abusive people can do stuff like this. Our inability to recognize abuses of situational power create the conditions for harm.
Stan Rawrysz
@mekkaokereke Not sure how well known this was, but players on the Spanish team were already calling out this coach's behavior before the world cup started. 15 of the players refused to play in the world cup because of them.
While the letter sent by those players doesn't explicitly specify any sexual reasons, it's not hard to draw a line from his behavior yesterday and the behaviors called out by the players before the world cup (https://www.cnn.com/2023/08/19/football/womens-world-cup-spain-dispute-jorge-vilda-rfef-spt-intl/index.html)
mekka okereke :verified:
Because straight men are specifically who I'm talking to right now.
I do this sometimes. Sometimes I'm only talking to Black folk. Sometimes only men. Sometimes only straight men. Sometimes only football players. Sometimes only people that work in tech. Sometimes only people that work in tech and hire people. Etc etc.
I'm not talking about situational power in general. I'm talking about this specific kind.
If you want to make a more general thread, you're more than welcome to do that.
jrm4
sure, but not sure why you said "straight men only"
like at all
isn't this more or less why e.g. Lizzo's in trouble right now?
Justin Buist
A few years back I was at a space talk and the woman presenting showed a video of an important mission milestone and a man, her boss basically, kissed her just like that during the excitement.
A lot of kids were in the audience and a boy, couldn't have been more than 10 yelled, "Hey! He shouldn't do that!"
Gave me some hope for the future.
mekka okereke :verified:
She only issued that statement after her initial statement on her Instagram Live, that she did not like that he kissed her.
The statement came after there was national and worldwide backlash about what he did to her. The statement protects him, not her.
That's more of why what he did was so problematic. Because if she doesn't make such a statement, it's her that is "Making a big deal about it."
*Update: turns out she didn't issue the statement. It was issued on her behalf.🤦🏿♂️
Sharon Gibson Morgan
@mekkaokereke From Hermosa:
“It was a totally spontaneous mutual gesture because of the immense joy that winning a World Cup brings,” said Hermoso, in comments given to AFP by the Spanish federation. “The president and I have a great relationship, his behaviour with all of us has been outstanding and it was a natural gesture of affection and gratitude.” https://tinyl.io/9CHa
If she didn't have a problem with being kissed, I fail to see what the problem is.
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