Conversation

I'm remembering an interaction with a male ex-friend who went trans during our friendship. He invited me over to swim and I was on my period, so I was going to have to postpone.

I was trying to think of a way to tell him I'm on my period in a non-offensive way, since he'd already come out "as a woman" (I know, I know...but I wasn't a Terf then). And I said something like "I'm gunna have to swim next week, because...err...it's like 'that time'" or something vague like that. Trying to hint and get the point across.

He got seriously offended. He was like, you're on your period?? Why do you feel like you have to hide that or that you can't say that to me? Like I'm not a woman and can't handle it?!"

And in my head I was like uh-oh...I'm in trouble now and then replied with kind of nervous laughter, like "oh, heh heh...I wasn't trying to hide it or afraid to say it, because you're trans or anything...I'm just....really shy and not used to talking about it to anyone!" And he was like well ok then.

But it always kinda stuck with me. I was afraid to bluntly talk about my period in front of a man, who had no idea what a period was like, because I don't really bluntly talk about my period openly to any man. And honestly, I was trying in my best attempts besides that to be considerate of him, because I thought talking about it might hurt his feelings! Like it might make him feel like "less of a woman" not having access to that.

And so it's like, no matter what, I couldn't do the right thing. I tried to be polite, but still showed that I wasn't reacting like I would if he was a real woman. I wasn't affirming his identity in the way I tried to inform him that I was on my period. I was tripping all over myself trying to make him feel comfortable and only made it worse. And this was me acting as a trans ally.

They are very militant with this stuff. I'd known this guy for years and had never felt this awkward with him before or more fearful that we'd entered a conflict that could end our friendship. I was walking on eggshells and just absolutely terrified of accidentally reminding this man that he was in fact, a man.

I'm so glad that I am free from that self-censorship and mental oppression right now. I never want to go back to that place. "I'm fucking bleeding from my vagina for a week. Deal with it, dude." Goddess that feels good to say.

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