They Call Me Dr. Breaux
With zero authority I hereby issue a call for all your best jokes!
I spent the majority of yesterday enraged by topics like killer cops, mental illness in America, racism (always racism) and reproductive rights. I need to temporarily put that aside and have a good laugh.
So give me what you've got. And tag @MikeyMcFilms 😂
They Call Me Dr. Breaux
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. “You mean a martini?” the bartender asks. The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!” Another Roman walks into the bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please.”
Paul Cantrell
It’s a beautiful day on the prairie. Amber waves of grass, deer and antelope playing, all that. There are two bison — and it’s that time of year when they’re shedding, so they’re…you know, not looking their finest.
A cloud of dust appears on the horizon. Soon, the silhouette of a lone rider appears. The rider pulls right up to them, stops, takes a good look at them, and says,
1/2
Paul Cantrell
“JIIIIMENY, you two’s the scruffiest, scrawniest, mangiest, uuuuugliest things I ever saw!” And then they ride off.
The bison stand speechless for a minute, chewing their cud. Then one turns to the other and says, “Well, now •that• was a discouraging word.”
2/2
The Curse of La Mikey McFilms
this should be the national joke of America, except that there are so many already in DC
Paul Cantrell
@MikeyMcFilms @doctorjaymarie
Ah, but most of those jokes aren’t funny
Paul Cantrell
Why did the programmer quit their job?
Because try as they might, they just couldn’t get arrays.
–––
What do pirates use to buy thermal underwear?
Long John silver.
–––
Why should you seek shelter when the weather is heading for the airport?
Because it’s out there hailing cabs.
Paul Cantrell
Last one for now, I swear, and then I’ll give you some peace
Paul Cantrell
@MikeyMcFilms
In programming, an “array” is an ordered sequence of items indexed by number (and pronounced like “a raise”)
The Curse of La Mikey McFilms
the first one was lost on me but i like the other two
Paul Cantrell
@doctorjaymarie @MikeyMcFilms
Well, you asked for it…
A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Hey buddy, why the long face?”
A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Hey, we’ve got a drink named after you!” And the grasshopper says, “You’ve got a drink named Carl?!”
A priest, a nun, and a rabbi walk into a bar, and the bartender says, “Hey, what is this, some kind of a joke?”
They Call Me Dr. Breaux
No. Keep them coming. We NEED jokes.
😅😅😅
The Curse of La Mikey McFilms
@wendinoakland @inthehands @doctorjaymarie
i guess it depends where you live?
wendinoakland
@MikeyMcFilms @inthehands @doctorjaymarie California. Just felt like a very late night extending beyond dawn…
Paul Cantrell
@wendinoakland @MikeyMcFilms @doctorjaymarie
“It’s Saturday somewhere!!”
wendinoakland
@inthehands @doctorjaymarie @MikeyMcFilms Is it still Saturday night? Wutevs, lolz. 😂
Paul Cantrell
@healthstatsdude @doctorjaymarie @MikeyMcFilms
A panda walks into a restaurant, orders the bamboo salad. When the waiter brings it, the panda gobbles it down, then draws a gun, fires several shots in the air, then starts walking out as everyone dives for cover. The terrified waiter says, “What was that?!” “I’m a panda. Look it up!” So the waiter looks it up: “Panda. Asian mammal. Eats shoots and leaves.”
Tired Old Health Stats Dude
@doctorjaymarie @inthehands @MikeyMcFilms a panda walks into a bar. “i’d like a …… beer please.” the bartender says, “why the long pause?” the panda replies, “i dunno, i was born with them.”
They Call Me Dr. Breaux
walking into a bar is the perfect joke set up.
Paul Cantrell
@healthstatsdude @doctorjaymarie @MikeyMcFilms
“Let’s eat, grandma!”
“Let’s eat grandma!”
PUNCTUATION SAVES LIVES
![Audrey MP [Astatide]](https://gnusocial.jp/avatar/139831-48-20230625165424.webp){kind=small}
Audrey MP [Astatide]
@inthehands @healthstatsdude @doctorjaymarie @MikeyMcFilms (for those not aware, this just so happens to be discussed in probably the funniest (or only funny?) grammar book, "Eats, Shoots and Leaves":
https://www.waterstones.com/book/eats-shoots-and-leaves/lynne-truss/9780007329069
which remains a favorite)
Paul Cantrell
Jesse
@inthehands @healthstatsdude @doctorjaymarie @MikeyMcFilms Shame about grandma but you do get a great band! https://youtu.be/ypHbgrijYVo
Paul Cantrell
@MikeyMcFilms @Micheleyee @doctorjaymarie
I’m happy I could play my corny, corny part
The Curse of La Mikey McFilms
@Micheleyee @inthehands @doctorjaymarie
same
my Sunday is made
Michele Yee :infinity_rainbow:
@inthehands @doctorjaymarie @MikeyMcFilms
This is best thread I’ve ever seen. I’m in stitches over here. STITCHES! 😂🤣😆
Doug Baker
@inthehands @healthstatsdude @doctorjaymarie @MikeyMcFilms you’re making me commatose
Chris Armstrong
Let's push this joke format to the nerd limit.
Three logicians walk into a bar.
The barman asks "Would you all like a drink?"
The first logician says "I don't know".
The second logician says "I don't know, either."
The third says "Yes. Yes we would."
Chris Armstrong
A tachyon asks for a drink.
A proton walks into a bar and orders a drink. The barman asks "are you sure?"
The proton replies "Yes, I'm positive".
A neutron walks into a bar. The barman pulls a pint and the neutron asks how much.
The barman replies, "for you, sir, no charge."
Later, a neutrino walks through the bar.
A tachyon walks into a bar.
Alex, the Hearth Fire
@Rhodium103 @doctorjaymarie @MikeyMcFilms
A Higgs boson goes into a Catholic church. The priest says "you can't be here, calling yourself the god particle is sacrilege!"
The Higgs boson says, "okay, I'll go. But I'm curious--without me, how do you have Mass?"
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