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   Jess👾 (jesstheunstill@infosec.exchange)'s status on Saturday, 27-May-2023 19:28:16 JST Jess👾

   Hot Take: Every talk about "work-life balance" and "develop confidence" targeted at women is straight up victim blaming.

   Also, the "We're going to have 'successful women' in a panel to tell you how to be 'successful' generally ignores the aspects of privilege and luck those women had to get where they're at.

   "Seize opportunities when they're presented to you" implies you had enough privilege to be granted those opportunities, and enough privilege to take risks and know that there's a safety net if that risk falls through.

   "Make time for self care" implies you have enough privilege to have that time. Etc.

   • Embed this notice
     Tmesis Petrichor Cadence (annecoombes@tech.lgbt)'s status on Saturday, 27-May-2023 19:28:14 JST Tmesis Petrichor Cadence

     in reply to

     @JessTheUnstill
     But wouldn't the popular tech guy get up on stage at the end and repeat everything that the multiple marginalized women had said but this time to wild applause from the misogynistic racist shitheads in the crowd?

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     Jess👾 (jesstheunstill@infosec.exchange)'s status on Saturday, 27-May-2023 19:28:15 JST Jess👾

     in reply to

     I don't want to see more "Women's Panels" where "successful" women talk to other women about how to be "successful". I want to have a conference announcing a keynote with some popular tech guy personality. Then the guy gets on stage, the organizers bar the doors, and the guy hands the mic off to a multiple marginalized woman to preach to all the tech bros locked in there with her about how to stop being misogynistic racist shitheads for an hour.

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     cosyskog (cosyskog@mstdn.games)'s status on Saturday, 27-May-2023 19:28:18 JST cosyskog

     in reply to

     • Tmesis Petrichor Cadence

     @annecoombes @JessTheUnstill omg the truth of that hurts. 😭

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     Ruth [☕️ 👩🏻‍💻📚✍🏻🧵🪡🍵] (platypus@glammr.us)'s status on Saturday, 27-May-2023 19:29:04 JST Ruth [☕️ 👩🏻‍💻📚✍🏻🧵🪡🍵]

     in reply to

     @JessTheUnstill once saw a crowd turn on such a presenter re: nannies. Like -- it's good she was honest that this was the only way she got stuff done, but then that was a bullet point in her advice and people immediately started with responding with info on costs, etc.,

     Everyone who needed childcare and didn't have it were absolutely aware they'd be more successful with it and aware of the specific roadblocks for them to get it.

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     Jess👾 (jesstheunstill@infosec.exchange)'s status on Saturday, 27-May-2023 19:29:06 JST Jess👾

     in reply to

     • Ruth [☕️ 👩🏻‍💻📚✍🏻🧵🪡🍵]

     @platypus It's something I read long ago that stuck with me:

     The rich LITERALLY have more hours in the day than poor people.

     They can live closer to work, they can afford nannies and housekeepers and yard workers and personal assistants and tutors to take care of all the "menial labor". They don't have to take public transit and can have close parking spots. They can eat out every meal / have their nannies cook for them. They can take all the toll roads they want. For the Ultra rich, they can even have their own plane on call to take them anywhere they want anytime they want.

     All the "other stuff" normal people have to do, they can have their people do for them if and when that stuff gets overwhelming or they just don't want to do it.

     Imagine just being able to go to work, come home, the house is clean, the kids have already been driven around to their hobbies, and their homework was finished by their tutors. A healthy dinner can be on the table anytime you want, and all you have to do is kick back with a glass of wine ...

   • Embed this notice
     Jess👾 (jesstheunstill@infosec.exchange)'s status on Saturday, 27-May-2023 19:29:07 JST Jess👾

     in reply to

     • Ruth [☕️ 👩🏻‍💻📚✍🏻🧵🪡🍵]
     • Bargearse

     @largess @platypus

     Society expectations?
     Someone to hand the family business off to?
     A compulsive need to create utterly dependent upon you people to control?
     A refusal to use protection?
     Biological clock?

     IDK ... I mean, I don't understand how someone can have tens of millions of dollars and still decide to keep working to make more money.

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     Bargearse (largess@mastodon.au)'s status on Saturday, 27-May-2023 19:29:08 JST Bargearse

     in reply to

     • Ruth [☕️ 👩🏻‍💻📚✍🏻🧵🪡🍵]

     @JessTheUnstill
     > the kids have already been driven around to their hobbies, and their homework was finished by their tutors.

     I'd wonder why they bothered to have children if they dont want to spend time with them?

     An example, the kids need to be chaffured around to hobbies because they can no longer ride their bike because there are too many people on the road driving kids around to hobbies because of really, really, badly designed cities.

     What you describe would be hell for me. I undeeatand for some it's aspirational but it would ensure the destruction of civilisation.

     https://phys.org/news/2022-11-expert-comment-future-electric-fast.html

     >"Only by curbing all motorized transport, particularly private cars, as quickly as possibly can we tackle the climate and air pollution crises"

     >"I see no way out of revolutionary changes to how we live today .... it is too late for non-radical futures" - Professor Kevin Anderson

     https://social.rebellion.global/@ScientistRebellion/110235597189756736

     @platypus

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     YvesHanoulle 🏳️‍🌈 🇺🇦 🇪🇺 (yveshanoulle@agilealliance.social)'s status on Saturday, 27-May-2023 19:29:36 JST YvesHanoulle 🏳️‍🌈 🇺🇦 🇪🇺

     in reply to

     @JessTheUnstill the most interesting talks, I take notes on my phone/computer. So for me being on my phone, does not mean not paying attention.

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     Jess👾 (jesstheunstill@infosec.exchange)'s status on Saturday, 27-May-2023 19:29:37 JST Jess👾

     in reply to

     In my dream scenario, the speaker also tells the crowd: "Put your phones away and listen. If I catch you on your phone, I'm calling you out - yes, you on the 7th row in the blue shirt, come up here on stage, I have a seat right here for you so you can pay attention."

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     cleopatra@c.im's status on Saturday, 27-May-2023 19:31:27 JST Cleopatra

     in reply to

     • Ruth [☕️ 👩🏻‍💻📚✍🏻🧵🪡🍵]

     @JessTheUnstill @platypus
     Reminds me of an argument about the washing machine being the most important invention in history: it freed up a whole day each week for women to do other stuff (to work or go to school or whatever).

     People always seem to mock the idea of 'giving your wife a vacuum cleaner', but i imagine it was way more appreciated by 1950s housewives than a shiny jewelry box that doesn't even has much resale value.

     And somehow, the moment westerners stopped doing chores by hand we started thinking they are easy and effortless: i can't count the number of hippies i met who dream about 'a simple existence without machines' and think 'being home watching tv' is fundamentally the same as 'being home scrubbing floors'. You are at home, right?

     And that can be pretty harmful: why strive for the poor to have washing machines or fridges if you totally could spend an entire vacation without them. Just dig a hole to keep your beer cool, people!

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     Earthworm (earthworm@kolektiva.social)'s status on Saturday, 27-May-2023 19:33:21 JST Earthworm

     in reply to

     • Ruth [☕️ 👩🏻‍💻📚✍🏻🧵🪡🍵]

     @JessTheUnstill @platypus

     The crazy thing is that most of the really rich that are wreckinh our planet are not even happy.
     (Not wanting to glorify poverty, just to remark that above a certain threshold, an increase in wealth does not add to your emotional wellbeing)

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     tailsy (tailsy@mastodon.social)'s status on Saturday, 27-May-2023 19:40:57 JST tailsy

     in reply to

     @JessTheUnstill I agree with this, and I feel it’s a concrete example of a general problem we have with “how to be successful” talks: survivorship bias, and attributing success to personal choices vs. random chance.

     I’ve seen a lot of products (talks, seminars, how-to books, trainings, etc.) grow from this idea that “you can too; just copy what I did.” It’s lucrative (reputationally, financially) to sell the idea that you have the answer to someone else’s struggle, but it’s usually dishonest.