Conversation

Notices

1. Embed this notice
   GalacticTurtle (galacticturtle@spinster.xyz)'s status on Sunday, 14-May-2023 03:23:53 JST GalacticTurtle
   Random musings...
   
   I've once again stumbled across this sentiment online voiced by men that they go through life only getting enough compliments to count on one hand... but that they cherish those few and far between compliments and this is something women don't understand because (implied) women get compliments all the time and don't appreciate them like a man would.
   
   Then comes the chorus of other men detailing that one time ten years ago when a woman said his hair looked nice... or something like that. 95% of comments are like this. A conversation about how this impacts male mental health ensues.
   
   Then comes the chorus of women with their pity or proudly stating how they showered their boyfriends or husbands with compliments when they realized that they weren't getting this from anyone else. Few men mention or even voice the expectation or disappointment of not being complimented by other men.
   
   I've always been a fan of grand and mythical storytelling. Fantasy and science-fiction are my genres of choice. While much of this centers on the lone chosen one that triumphs over all, I think there is almost as often this aspect of brotherhood usually born through surviving war or some type of treacherous journey together that stands in place of an actual war but is meant to convey the same thing.
   
   It's only through that experience that men (according to their own rules) can even have the dregs of what one might be able to call an intimate connection with each other. But if we take wars in reality, separated from far-off myths and legends, these bonds are again formed in the process of further subjugating women, taking from women, raping women, all of the above, or more.
   
   I could go on with more examples but I think there are many reasons why "male intimacy" strikes me as quite the oxymoron. Even the men who were pre-installed as part of my life (dad, grandad, uncles) echo this sentiment which was likely a big factor in why if I had any suspected interaction with a boy my own age (like accepting a friend request on Facebook) a whole interrogation would ensue. How do you know this boy? What does he want from you? Did he give you anything? Who are his parents?
   
   Simultaneously, intimacy between women and the whole idea of sisterhood is popularly slandered. I even read a whole article once from some major publication about how sisterhood is a lie and how the author only found true acceptance and comfort from her eventual male partner. I don't doubt that this does happen, probably quite frequently. But I do think this is primarily a symptom of what happens when women who center men try to form lasting relationships with each other. They're inclined, for whatever reason, to pour all of that intimacy into a black hole. Is that ultimately fulfilling? I have no idea. I do know that it's taboo to say it's not. Because in those grandiose myths and legends, that is not only our happily ever after - that's our only cameo.
   
   Of course, that is all my limited perspective. Just Saturday morning musings!
   • Seahorses are horses likes this.
   • Seahorses are horses repeated this.
   • Embed this notice
     Mynona (mynona@spinster.xyz)'s status on Sunday, 14-May-2023 03:23:53 JST Mynona

     in reply to
     @GalacticTurtle
   • Embed this notice
     GalacticTurtle (galacticturtle@spinster.xyz)'s status on Sunday, 14-May-2023 03:24:08 JST GalacticTurtle

     in reply to

     • Mynona
     @Mynona Did I have to look up the word "anathema" in a dictionary? Yes.
     
     Is this nonetheless true? Yes. 😂
     
     It is the female socialized version of sitting at a table with the "change my mind" sign.
   • Embed this notice
     Mynona (mynona@spinster.xyz)'s status on Sunday, 14-May-2023 03:24:08 JST Mynona

     in reply to
     @GalacticTurtle With that said, devaluation of bonds between women goes back to witch hunts. You should add Caliban and the Witch to your reading list
     Seahorses are horses likes this.
   • Embed this notice
     stingray (2023 edition) (stingray@spinster.xyz)'s status on Sunday, 14-May-2023 03:37:42 JST stingray (2023 edition)

     in reply to
     @GalacticTurtle The part about compliments is very interesting to me. I also fondly remember this one time like 10 years ago when a woman in a public bathroom said that my earrings looked nice, a couple weeks ago when a lady on the street said she liked my shirt, last night when a lady at the grocery store said she liked my hairpin, etc... But I look back on most compliments I receive from men with disdain, at least when it comes to appearance. What does he want? What's he trying to do?
     
     I occasionally take commissions to write articles for the paper (usually about new businesses and stuff) and I like it when men compliment my writing skills and things like that, but I often get angry/suspicious when they compliment my appearance.
     
     When a woman compliments my appearance though, I'm like "Oh, I must look really good today" or "What a nice lady."
     
     I wonder if men feel the same way to an extent. If a man randomly compliments another man about his appearance, does it come across like the complimenter is plotting something nefarious or wants something from the complimentee? Is that why men don't compliment each other as much? Or do men just want compliments from women specifically?
     Seahorses are horses likes this.
   • Embed this notice
     @polarisera reposted your post (polarisera@spinster.xyz)'s status on Sunday, 14-May-2023 03:54:16 JST @polarisera reposted your post

     in reply to

     • stingray (2023 edition)
     @stingray @GalacticTurtle Dude: Cool shirt, bro!
     Bro: Shaa, dude, your guns are blazing, you been working out?
     Dude: Yeah, man, I been hitting it hard, but I still can't get in to leg day
     Bro: I hear you, bro. Shelia's been hitting the squats, her ass is tight!
     Dude: I know that! I would give my left nut to hit that
     Seahorses are horses likes this.