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   Lesley Carhart :unverified: (hacks4pancakes@infosec.exchange)'s status on Sunday, 09-Apr-2023 11:46:52 JST Lesley Carhart :unverified:

   Pals, I don’t know who needs to hear this but one of the most offensive things you can say to somebody who has bought something new - especially a big purchase - and is sharing the news with you is, “here is why you should have bought this alternative instead”, like they’ve fucked up or they should have spent 5x as much on something else. They already gave someone money. They’re invested.

   Some people just don’t get this nuance when they want to share knowledge about something they’re really excited about, but I really have to warn you that’s an incredibly hurtful thing to say that folks don’t forget. They probably were working within a budget, or within specific constraints or needs you are not fully aware of.

   They probably do know what they’re doing. You are talking down to them and basically implying they’re stupid. You’re not helping and you don’t look smart.

   • Embed this notice
     Kit Rhett Aultman (roadriverrail@signs.codes)'s status on Sunday, 09-Apr-2023 11:46:49 JST Kit Rhett Aultman

     in reply to

     • Koen de Jonge - SynQ

     @koen @hacks4pancakes There is a way to ask that question that both keeps you from looking like a presumptive jerk *and* empowers the person you're asking the question to *and* also gives you information on how you shape your sales pitch-- "Do you find you prefer Chrome to Firefox?"

   • Embed this notice
     Koen de Jonge - SynQ (koen@procolix.social)'s status on Sunday, 09-Apr-2023 11:46:51 JST Koen de Jonge - SynQ

     in reply to

     @hacks4pancakes does that also count for stuff that is of no charge and have them keep using it hurts them (and others) in so many ways and levels?

     For example if I where to say: "Hey, I see you are using Chrome, it would really be a good idea if you would use Firefox instead."?

   • Embed this notice
     Kit Rhett Aultman (roadriverrail@signs.codes)'s status on Sunday, 09-Apr-2023 11:49:18 JST Kit Rhett Aultman

     in reply to

     • fraggLe!

     @fwaggle @hacks4pancakes Better question to lead with-- "What led you to pick this?" If alternative X comes up, then a simple "I've really liked my X" will often move the conversation into comparison territory and yield information.

   • Embed this notice
     fraggLe! (fwaggle@moodoo.org)'s status on Sunday, 09-Apr-2023 11:49:25 JST fraggLe!

     in reply to

     @hacks4pancakes I sometimes do this, but phrased as a question... And it's genuinely meant in earnest, when I go "ahh how come you didn't go with X?" it's because it's what I'd have done, and I'm wondering what information I missed.

     But now I'm thinking it probably doesn't come off like that, does it? ?

   • Embed this notice
     Kit Rhett Aultman (roadriverrail@signs.codes)'s status on Sunday, 09-Apr-2023 11:52:58 JST Kit Rhett Aultman

     in reply to

     • Basha

     @HubCityLocal @hacks4pancakes They're the same ones who, in a work situation, enter a complex conversation about an issue I'm facing, ask "Why don't your just <insert course of action here>?" and subsequently wonder why I fight through my agitation to explain how that was the first thing I already tried and it didn't help.

   • Embed this notice
     Basha (hubcitylocal@infosec.exchange)'s status on Sunday, 09-Apr-2023 11:53:05 JST Basha

     in reply to

     @hacks4pancakes
     The “Here’s What You Should Have Done” guys are mysteriously never around when you need help or advice.

     Hmmm…

   • Embed this notice
     Kit Rhett Aultman (roadriverrail@signs.codes)'s status on Sunday, 09-Apr-2023 21:32:14 JST Kit Rhett Aultman

     in reply to

     • Koen de Jonge - SynQ

     @koen @hacks4pancakes The important thing here is that you're leaving a lot more power in the other person's hands. You might discover they use Chrome for reasons outside their control, in which case you drop it. Or maybe Firefox has a history of crashing badly on their machine, and you honor their experience. But making your pitch without knowing and honoring where the other person is at is going to come off bad.

     Note that you did that in your reply to me.

   • Embed this notice
     Koen de Jonge - SynQ (koen@procolix.social)'s status on Sunday, 09-Apr-2023 21:32:16 JST Koen de Jonge - SynQ

     in reply to

     • Kit Rhett Aultman

     @roadriverrail @hacks4pancakes thanks, I’ll try that wording next time.

     But does that not still give me the ‘talking from a high horse’ impression?
     I still expect the same “hey I was not talking about Firefox, why are you trying to push that on me?” reaction.

     In fact I think those strong emotional reaction have their grounds in the feeling that deep down these people know that they had better not use Chrome. And thát hurts.