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   Andrew Perfors (andyperfors@aus.social)'s status on Monday, 27-Mar-2023 19:23:21 JST Andrew Perfors

   When I reflect on the past few weeks — the Nazi rally, everything going on around that — and the fact that some shit like this happens like clockwork every so often, I keep reflecting on this quote by Toni Morrison:

   “The function, the very serious function of racism is distraction. It keeps you from doing your work. It keeps you explaining, over and over again, your reason for being. Somebody says you have no language and you spend twenty years proving that you do. Somebody says your head isn’t shaped properly so you have scientists working on the fact that it is. Somebody says you have no art, so you dredge that up. Somebody says you have no kingdoms, so you dredge that up. None of this is necessary. There will always be one more thing.”

   —

   I don’t pretend to know what it’s like to be Black, but it speaks to my experience as a trans person.

   We trans people will always have to prove ourselves as just as human, just as deserving of autonomy over our own bodies, as anybody else. We can’t take it for granted. We have to watch as we are made pawns in a vicious culture war we don’t want to be part of and can’t get out of.

   Most of us just want to be left alone.

   *I* just want to be left alone. I want to be able to live my life without some dipshit having more authority than my doctor or myself to determine what medical care I’m allowed to access or where I’m allowed to go in public or what I can wear.

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   • goatsarah repeated this.
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     Andrew Perfors (andyperfors@aus.social)'s status on Monday, 27-Mar-2023 19:23:43 JST Andrew Perfors

     in reply to

     But I can’t. iI’s always there. Even in things that aren’t about anything trans related. I’m acutely aware that I walk a tightrope. I can’t make a mistake, can’t misspeak, can’t screw up, because if I do it will be interpreted as reflecting on all trans people and not just me.

     I’m so tired. And I didn’t even engage much in this over the last few weeks! Just talked to people, and spent far too much time on the internet reading. Mostly I tried to make inroads on my enormous to-do list, while not dropping the ball too badly as a parent.

     But I’m utterly, utterly, utterly EXHAUSTED.

     I don’t even want to post this because I don’t want the extra burden of responding to your (almost certainly very kind and supportive) replies. It’s just one more thing, and all I want to do is hide. But I guess I’ll post this because I want to share a little of what it is like.

     Also I suppose I want to apologise to everything that I owe emails or work to. :( This anti-trans bullshit isn’t even the main reason — I just have too much work on my plate — but it has not helped.

     /END