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   13 barn owls in a trenchcoat (hauntedowlbear@eldritch.cafe)'s status on Friday, 06-Sep-2024 20:43:02 JST 13 barn owls in a trenchcoat

   in reply to

   @parsingphase

   This one's main. There's also the other Owlbear account, owlbear@twoot.space, which is a drop-off point for anyone who finds me through my published work.

   My after dark, for smut, occasional porn, and blood/piercing stuff (CW for all those things) is currently @void_of_tranquillity, but it'll be moving to its own server soon because it has a disproportionate effect on server management and resources, and isn't thematically in line with the other accounts we host there

   (One 18+ account when everything else is for general audiences is a moderation problem, even when it's the moderator's account).

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   Foone🏳️‍⚧️ (foone@digipres.club)'s status on Friday, 21-Jun-2024 14:02:16 JST Foone🏳️‍⚧️

   Hiya! I'm a programmer looking for full-time work in the SF Bay Area (or remote!)
   I'm primarily a Python dev, but I've got significant experience in Java, C#, C++/C, Ruby, and JS.

   I've focused a lot on Continuous Integration in recent years but I've got experience with in-house tool development, embedded software, back-end server stuff, and UI/Web/HIL test automation.
   I've a lot of experience in digitization/archival work.

   My resume & email:
   https://wiki.foone.org/w/My_Resume

   Thanks! #getFediHired

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   Wallflower 🌺 (waitnwallflower@beige.party)'s status on Saturday, 27-Apr-2024 06:24:57 JST Wallflower 🌺

   Okay

   History about me that probably no one here knows and typing this will likely make me sob then go to bed.

   Anyone that follows me, and pays attention, knows I'm a child of abuse.

   What you might not know is that I started leaving home at 13 (1st time I remember as an extended period).

   What you likely don't know is that I was alone the last semester of my senior yr of HS, *at least the last semester* (best of my memory). I took my mom out of an institution on a furlough to see me graduate (she was forced there bc of "terroristic threats" against my abusive father bc she said "I could kill you for everything you've done to me" and went to bed; she woke up surrounded by police), in any event, shortly after I graduated, like less than a month for sure, she was released and she took him back.

   He took everything I saved.

   He told me to leave. He then tried to have me arrested over a land line phone I took with me, princess pink, I hope he enjoyed that phone.

   I was immediately in need of housing and work.

   My sister (🕯) helped me get an apartment (I was a minor), my retail job let me pick up hours. This was the 90s ppl, the economy sucked ass in NJ.

   My eldest bro started sending me the job postings from OH where he was at the time.

   Eventually I said "Fuck it. I have nothing to lose, literally", *despite not knowing him* (he left home when I was 5, bc of abusive father, and came back 1/yr, 2/yr *at best*).

   I took a job as a contractor at the company I'm still with at the age of 18 (guesstimate). They hired me at 19 (for sure). They've promoted me to levels and pay that PhDs have.
   When I say that I have fire, I mean I have fire.

   Why does this matter to me right now???

   What I saved was taken from me, my self worth was stolen from me as a child. I had desires. I had knowledge. I had passion. I had potential.

   I was NOT going to let anything rob my son of his potential. I *needed* him to have opportunities that I didn't have, in ways I didn't have. *After all, my intentions have always been to break the fucking chain of abuse.*

   I was set on paying for his college as hard as it might be. (As a single mom, bc I couldn't help myself but to date "the abusive man" hoping I could be his salvation. Never took a dime in child support.)

   But I made my son take out a 5k loan his 1st semester bc I wanted him to feel invested in his future.

   He has, at every turn in his life, **exceeded my expectations**. **The best human I know. For real.**💜💘💜

   And so today, I decided that my college graduation gift to him will be to pay off that loan, because I can, with a grimace, but can.

   The master bathroom remodel can continue to wait.

   ✌️💜
   Happy graduation to my baby.

   (Also, since on topic of a pos somewhere in this very long post:
   🖕 I always told you I'd win, "dad". I've won. I am everything you told me I wasn't *and more* (🎶32 flavors and then some🎶). My only sorrow is that my mother couldn't join us this weekend, but I bet I see a single 🕊.)

   Thank you to any of you that actually read all this. I see I'm in the thousands of characters 😬🤐💜✌️💜💞🌺
   #IamWhatIam
   #DoYou
   #KeepOn
   #Fire
   💜❤️🔥

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   :meru_mewwuluv: b e a r d (beardalaxy@gameliberty.club)'s status on Tuesday, 10-Oct-2023 07:40:50 JST :meru_mewwuluv: b e a r d

   in reply to

   @LukeAlmighty this is why I hate religion, because it is full of emotional manipulation. For some people it completely turns them away, for some people it hooks them. Then you have to listen to a guy tell you what he thinks you should believe, and what meaning/interpretation you should have when it comes to Bible stories, and if you use your ability to pray to God for answers and get something different than what that guy thinks he'll say you're wrong or you are being tempted by the devil or some shit.

   Growing up Mormon, for a very long time I was told that each of us had a very special connection to God and could pray to Him and receive answers through the Holy Spirit. In doing this I was personally receiving an answer that I shouldn't be going on a mission, and that my doubts about it all being true weren't just Satan's lies or something. When I brought it up to my local church leaders they all said the same thing, that I was wrong and NEEDED to serve a mission (which you literally don't have to btw but everyone acts like you do, it's weird) and that I should "doubt my doubts before doubting my faith." But I had been doubting my doubts and now my faith was reassuring those doubts were correct.

   The more I continued trying to push it down, the worse I felt. It's like my spirit was at war with my social survival instinct. Went through the temple to prepare for my mission and that's the worst my spirit had ever felt. It's hard to describe the feeling... Imagine just being subjected to the worst kind of emotional abuse possible to the point where you can't even cry. That sounds really dramatic but that's how it was, I felt completely downtrodden. I continued on anyway though because where I'm from it was basically social suicide to leave the church.

   So I was out training for my mission and I believe all of that started to actually affect me physically. I got horrendously sick, probably worse than when I got covid. I couldn't even read anything because I'd get a searing migraine if I did and I was in bed for a few days. The doctor checked me out and said he couldn't find much wrong, so they basically just loaded me up on ibuprofen and gave me a blessing every day. Then they made everyone take this mandatory mental health evaluation, which should really tell you something, and of course I failed it. So I went to the on-site therapist and they basically told me to just pray and my thoughts of self harm would just go away. Welp, that didn't work.

   My spirit was in so much turmoil that it physically manifested, and my brain was becoming unable to cope with it as well. Finally it got to the point where I had to end it one way or the other, and thankfully I decided on going home and leaving the church, which was also a huge struggle but man, I knew I made the right decision because my soul was at peace.

   So there's the thing, I really don't like religion in general, Christianity included. I personally think that the goal of Jesus was to abolish religion because no man is perfect enough to run one. It's 100% supposed to be a connection between you and your God. There doesn't need to be a middleman telling you what to do or what to believe, and there definitely isn't a fucking series of handshakes you have to memorize to get into heaven lmao. So I know where you're coming from, in a sense, and I went through a period where I lost my spirituality as well until I realized that you don't NEED religion, you can believe whatever you want to believe. If Jesus Himself looked down on religious people, and never set up a religion Himself, and specifically told people He came not to bring peace, but to tear people away from religion to follow Him instead, well that's good enough for me lol.

   I'm not saying you have to believe in God or anything btw, not preaching, just sharing my own personal story on why I think religion is a sham. It's basically just propaganda to get money from people. I talk about Mormonism a lot because that's how I was raised, but it exists everywhere. So I don't blame you one bit for being turned off by it and I think not believing in anything is a better alternative because it means you're actually tuned in enough to distance yourself from bad actors.

   I know I'm very far from your conventional Christian too, and maybe a lot of people would consider my beliefs as confirmation bias. Their opinion of me doesn't matter though because I know what I believe and how it makes me feel. I know I don't have all the answers too, so it's always interesting talking to people about religion and spirituality and hearing different things. We're humans at the end of the day and I think the goal is to just learn and try to be the best we can be. If religion helps you do that, cool, if you can do that while being an atheist, also cool. The way I view things, it doesn't matter much and I think it really comes down to the individual and what they value, although my heart does hurt for those who feel like shit in their current position but they can't break out of it because I've been there before and it's rough.