Notices by Patrick 🌎 (patrickworld@mastodon.online)

‘GET THE PACKAGE OUT OF THE GARBAGE AND TELL ME WHAT THE INSTRUCTIONS SAY’

Bob Newhart, recipient of the worlds first successful heart transplant

Some personal news. I am announcing my retirement from professional tennis. This is particularly hard as I've never played professional tennis, the most I've done is knock a few balls around at the court near my house. Regardless, I finish my career with 0 Grand Slams including 0 French Open titles.

Made my son (14) avocado toast as he was getting ready for school. He said ‘djfjejdi jdjdjs’, I said ‘what?’ So he said it again ‘hdjsjfkd ksjdjdb’ I said ‘what?’ again, and then he said ‘balsamic vinegar’ 🥑

Me, explaining all of the social media sites I'm on and their differences

Ok but am I *really* unsubscribed?

I’ve been trying to get this shot for years and I finally got it on #Caturday

I’m just here to tell you all to moisture

Look, I’ll gladly do the groceries, but I can’t guarantee that fennel-man won’t appear afterwards

Serious question: why don’t agents, CIA FBI etc. wear hoodies, sweatpants, running shoes when they’re on the job? Why do they dress like they’re at a wedding? I wouldn’t want to have to roll on the ground or run in a suit and leather shoes 🤷🏾♂️

Edit: I have been told that the agents we see are a distraction from the undercover ones who are indeed dressed for action 👟

Me and the fellas, ready for the weekend 😎

Happy ‘Steve Bannon must turn himself into authorities this morning to begin serving his 4 month prison term’ to those who celebrate 🎉

@ATLeagle 🙏🏾

Guys, don’t bother, I won again 🤷🏾♂️

It’s cool that they’re gonna have their drivers licenses on their phones in New York, but when you have to hand your phone to the cops to see it, it’ll be hard to film them beating the shit out of you at the same time 🤔 👮

Woke up from I dream I bought $140 worth of cookies which is ridiculous because I’d never buy that little

The spirit of my dad, in a child’s body, enjoying the cable news coverage of the 34 charges

‘This mthrfkr’

- my closing argument

🎶 ‘We’ll all die in a YOLO submarine/a YOLO submarine/a YOLO submarine’ 🎶 https://nypost.com/2024/05/27/us-news/ohio-billionaire-plans-to-take-20m-sub-to-titanic-site-to-prove-industrys-safer-after-oceangate-implosion/

Just say yes to drugs 🥴