Notices by MostlyHarmless (mostlyharmless@thecanadian.social)

You may be married, but you aren’t *married* married until you’re in IKEA together and you brought your own tape measure.

4 year old: is money real or pretend?
Me: *clears throat* *takes sip of water* *arranges notes on podium*

French protests have three stages:
1. Peaceful marching
2. Rioting/arson (targeting banks, not homes)
3. Mass strikes & economic shutdown
The French elite fear Stage 1 because they know Stages 2 and 3 are coming. Canadians only do Stage 1 and our elites ignore it because they know there is no real threat of escalation.

An American election is kind of like The Sound of Music; it goes on for way too long, you already know all the songs and dances, and you always forget how many Nazis there are going to be.

Thank you, credit card companies, for helping me afford to live in Alberta. I don't think I can ever repay you.

'Normal' is apparently getting dressed in clothes you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car you’re still paying for in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.

Adulthood means understanding why Shrek just wanted to be left alone.

Doctors and scientists agree on the benefits of an afternoon nap, yet still my boss thinks he knows better. Ridiculous.

In Star Trek people often complain that replicated food is not as good as naturally produced food, which is weird when replicators are presumably using the same technology as transporters, which can perfectly replicate Spock every time. But is Spock getting less flavoursome over time? In this essay I shall…

Welp. Darn.

You never know who's watching.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend, unless they don’t dance and if they don’t dance, then they’re no friend of mine.

So much angry heavy metal dedicated to Satan… What if maybe he's more of a bubblegum-pop kinda guy?

Interviewer: Why do you want this job?
Me: I've always been passionate about being able to afford food.

Mornings are best when they start in the afternoon.

Please stop raising awareness. There is too much. I have become too aware.

Every heartwarming human-interest story in America is like "He raised $20,000 to keep 200 orphans from being crushed in the orphan-crushing machine" and then never asks why an orphan-crushing machine exists or why you'd need to pay to prevent it from being used.

Yeah, breakups suck, but have you ever been in love with a restaurant that closed down?

It happened to me: I didn't buy snacks so that I wouldn't have snacks in the house and now I don't have snacks in the house.

Be a minimalist. It’s the least you can do.