Notices by Janel Comeau (verybadllama@mas.to), page 3

begging dudes like this to realize that no-fault divorce and equal pay laws are the only reason that they don’t know what coffee tastes like when it’s sweetened with antifreeze

it is October 18th

someone told me today that young people can't afford homes because we spend all our money on "toys like boats and ATVs" and now I am desperate to meet the one Millennial Hell-Child commuting from their basement apartment in a speedboat and giving us all a bad name

oh, the only way to pay for parking in this place I'm visiting is to download a regional parking app I will never use again? no thank you, I will simply drive directly into the sea

hey sorry I missed your text, I am processing a non-stop 24/7 onslaught of information with a brain designed to eat berries in a cave

I have lived long enough to see the phase "there's an app for that" go from a marketing slogan to a threat

fellas is it gay to see the road

oh child labour is BACK back

I knew someday I'd get too old to recognize new celebrities but I did not expect to get too old to recognize what celebrities are famous for. every day I go "is that a new singer" and then a person born in 2007 goes "ew no they're a peeble streamer on doop" as I inch closer to the grave

not to sound like a huge communist but I don’t think millions of us should have to die hungry and in debt so a couple dudes with really really really big boats can have really really really really big boats

girl are you the Barbie Movie because wow a lot of men are angry that you weren’t specifically created to appeal to them

apparently a lot of cis women need to hear this but a world where our faces, bodies, hair, breasts, clothing and voice are constantly scrutinized as "not feminine enough" is infinitely more dangerous than a world where trans women might also be in the bathroom and need to pee

when John Lennon told me to imagine no possessions I just don't think he was envisioning a world where everything in my life is available only through a subscription-based model because the costs of personal property have been intentionally placed beyond my reach

having ADHD is great if you hate the idea of finishing 100% of a task but love the idea of finishing 2% of 50 tasks

train crash in East Palestine, Leo's girl is nineteen,
15 minute cities where you walk to the store,
Jimmy Carter, cocaine bear, UFOs are everywhere,
Marjorie is calling for a new civil war

we didn't start the fire...

girl are you the Bank of Canada interest rate because you just keep getting high and now everyone is worried about you

I love US politics because they have a detailed plan for "what if most of the government is vaporized by aliens and the Secretary of Agriculture has to rule the country from an underground bunker" and no plan at all for "what if the guy running for Speaker is kind of a chud"

grocery store chains: we set record profits this year

retail chains: we've never made so much money

energy companies: we just posted our best quarter on record

news article: who is to blame for inflation? you peasants wanting wages, probably

the 4 types of national anthems:

- Gosh, This Sure is an Attractive Piece of Land We've Got Here

- That One War in Particular was a Doozy

- We Only Sing Parts of This Song Now Because the Other Verses are Racist

- We Speak French and We Will Fucking Kill You