Notices by Graham Sutherland / Polynomial (gsuberland@chaos.social), page 4

@mjg59 the FSF seems to continually prove that they understand neither software nor software governance, which is a bit of a dire state of affairs given their ostensible purpose.

@sophieschmieg oh fuck I forgot about them lmao

someone will leak Intel's microcode development tools on the Warthunder forums

NEWAG will claim aliens bricked the trains

a ransomware gang member will get caught because he went from working in a meat packing factory to buying a $700,000 chrome-plated sports car in the space of a week and then bought a custom license plate with the gang name on it and posted pictures on instagram

a "major APT" will turn out to be three teenagers.

everyone will get super hyped about a huge cred dump and it'll turn out 98% were already in HIBP

someone will find a serious hardware side channel vulnerability that can be used to leak data from other tenants running on the same system and a grand total of zero threat actors will actually bother to exploit it

I will have to explain the subtleties of NIST SP 800-88 rev.1 to people a dozen times while they attempt a 35-pass Guttman wipe on an SSD.

you will enter a password in a signup form only to find out that it has secret extra rules that it didn't tell you about

you will hear a phrase such as "zero trust AI" in a professional context and wonder what foul trickster demon you crossed to have ended up here

fuckers will still make you cycle passwords despite it being advised against for years now

you will sign into your Single Sign On 1460 times this year

having patched all the ../ bugs, security appliances will be found to have even more laughably trivial bugs in other vulnerability classes from the 1990s

linux kernel people will yell about rust being a cult and then write code containing 5827417 instances of undefined behaviour while remaining smug about their incredible coding skills and then call it a witch hunt against them when everyone gets fucking owned as a result

3 billion devices will, regrettably, continue to run Java

jonathandata will return to the fray (either him or nicky lemon)

someone will intentionally burn down a datacenter

Quantum computers will be able to factor a bigger number but it will still be small enough that you could validate the result on a $5 calculator. The tech press will claim it breaks AES.

IBM will announce a blockchain security product