Notices by Xavier Horatio Xinicit (xinicit@beige.party)

Free Band Name:

Annie Linux and the Hackintoshes

So tired of blacking out every full moon when I really want to stay up and help the townsfolk hunt for the werewolf

When calligraphers get mad they send strongly lettered words

Absolutely wild that in 1999 we were dreading Y2K and now wiping out the world’s computing systems would feel like finally exhaling

I love tea because humans were like "this boiling water is ok, but what it really needs is some leaves."

Anything can be a puppet if you don’t care what happens to your hand

Much like Prometheus, I have also stolen fire* from the gods** and been unjustly punished***.

*wifi
**my neighbors
***gotten a letter

I wouldn’t say I’m insufferable. Lots of people seem to suffer when I’m around.

The line for cheese is called the queueso

"Hamburger" in Spanish is "Hamburguesa." Cheeseburger in Spanish is "Hamburguesa con queso." My proposition to the Spanish speaking community is this: "Hambur-quesa."

A potato is a hug that you eat

I didn’t do drugs in high school. I was on the debate team and played Magic: The Gathering because nobody knew what autism was.

It’s kind of wild that soup du jour is such a popular food item when the recipe seems to vary wildly from day to day.

I’m a little old to be making teenage angst my personality, but I’ve always been kind of slow

I need approximately 5000 dollars to purchase enough weighted blankets to take the edge of my anxiety and/or hire a big booty goth girl to smother me until I have been still for several minutes. Taking donations.

You have to believe in your own goodness — even if the world turns against you and the hostage negotiator makes underwhelming offers

Do not text or call me. Write what you have to say to me on a note and throw it in the ocean. If it finds me, I will get back to you in 7-10 business days.

Me: My mental health is important to me. Sleep is not optional.

Brain: Got it. Sleep is not an option.

Me: That’s not what I said!

Brain (marinating in Baja Blast): I can’t hear you over what a good job I’m doing!

My wife swears I’m going to be a trophy husband even if she has to study taxidermy

Public Service Announcement:

Sleep loss has caused me to reach “Karen” levels of thin skinned and entitled.