Notices by Chris Breen (bodyofbreen@mastodon.world), page 2

Dear CEO’s,

In the next all-hands meeting, try something like this:

“For the benefit of the company I kissed the ring of a known scoundrel in the hope that he might treat us kindly. Not only was I not successful, but I squandered the company’s reputation as well as my own. I deeply apologize.”

So, uh, Tim. About that $1,000,000 donation to Trump….

We now return to our regularly scheduled dying. #DieTeslaDie

Faster, Tesla! Die! Die!

Special request to Larry David: Please bring back Curb for a single episode, in which cast members line up and, one after the other, ask Cheryl, “What the hell is wrong with you?”

I’m pretty sure we can all now call bullshit on gun owners’ “we need these weapons of war so we can overthrow tyrannical rule” justification.

So Apple, if Trump signs an executive order renaming Cupertino to Shitbucket, you’re good with making that change in the Maps app too?

“Well, gorsh, that’s the official name, so…”

Jesus…

In the next 4 years I expect to see real growth in the Oligarch Fluffers sector—people hired specifically to convince the Musks, Zuckerbergs, and Bezos’ of the world that they’re not complete assholes.

Earlier, at the Washington Post:

Editor: “I’m sorry, we can’t run this because…”

Cartoonist: “What!? Fuck you! I’m out of here!” [door slam, hasty retreat]

Editor: [sigh] “…because it needs to be updated to include Tim Cook.”

Dear US news programs,

When you speak with any representative, ask them if they’ve had their children vaccinated against polio, measles, mumps, etc.

Follow up with, “Do you support RFK?”

If so, why is it okay to put other kids at risk?

I’m giving Bluesky a try (@BodyofBreen there too) and in a side-by-side comparison, my heart rate ticks up 10 points there in comparison to Mastodon.

So, maybe?

“We told him, and told him, and told him, ‘Mr. Trump, it makes no difference if the place is closed, you have to wash your hands before touching the food, particularly after pulling up your diaper.’”

The LA Times has ranked Eureka CA as the best place in the state to retire. Given Eureka’s perennially depressed economy, terrible healthcare, and dreary weather, I can only think the article was a result of AI high on Humboldt’s best.

Summing up Maggie Smith’s career as “star of Downton Abbey and Harry Potter” has the same totally-missed-the-mark vibe as citing Star Wars as the pinnacle of Alec Guinness’ body of work. RIP to a great actress.

Okay, J.D. Vance is a terrible person, no argument. But it’s curious that the media is completely comfortable pointing out every grain of his awfulness while, more often than not, giving his boss a pass.

Maybe it’s the old “Everyone knows Trump is a pestilence, now let’s talk about Hillary’s emails” and Vance is fresh meat for the grinding, but it’s lazy and irresponsible.

#PreachingToTheChoir

Like an open bar at a drummers convention.

Judge Cannon really reallllly wants to be thrown off the documents case.

“Look, I’m clearly not qualified for this case. Or really, any case. What else do I need to do to prove that?”

Today’s bird, profile version

Just sayin’…

Democrats: “Oh my god, Biden had a bad night! We’re doomed! We’re doomed!”

Republicans: “Oh my god, our guy is a convicted felon, liable for sexual assault and fraud, incapable of telling the truth, and promises to destroy democracy! We’re number one! We’re number one!”

Grow a spine, Democrats.

After reading through this obviously-a-grift thing that showed up in my spam-trapper account, I admit to pausing to think, “Given the sociopathic source, is it really so crazy to believe he’s gone into the phishing biz?”