Notices by Celeste, AKA DJ Celrock! (celrock@mastodon.stickbear.me)

#AudioMo Day 5, inspired by an interesting conversation I ran across on Mastodon much earlier in the day, between @BorrisInABox, @cordova5029, @bryansmart, and @simon, where they were talking about old answering machines, I decided that the subject of today's AudioMo, would be a sample of both, my talking caller ID box on my land line phone, as well as a sample of my answering machine. I even leave a message on the answering machine, which is the spoken part of this AudioMo, talking to all of you, and giving a sample of how listening to a message on this particular answering machine, would sound. I had to splice 2 recordings together in GoldWave initially made with RecUp Memos on my phone, because I had my phone nearby, causing me to accidentally stop the first recording in the middle of demonstrating the buttons on the answering machine. I also doubled and raised the volume to 150 so you shouldn't have any trouble hearing this recording. Enjoy, and I'll be interested to see if this should stir up some interesting conversation.

This is going viral on the internet. We aren’t sure who is the original creator is but whoever came up with this is hilarious. Enjoy. 👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼

The young woman who submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship with her husband) presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself. The tech support people's love advice was hilarious.

The query:

Dear Tech Support,
"Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed: Desperate

The response (that came weeks later out of the blue)

Dear Desperate,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the Tears application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta version.

Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources. In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0.

Good Luck

Tech Support