Notices by I Has Wisdom (ihaswisdom@mastodon.social)

What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste.

If you’re struggling to think of what to get someone for Christmas. Get them a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it.

Two dyslexics walk into a bra.

Q: How do you keep a moron in suspense?

Q: How do you play religious roulette?
A: You stand around in a circle and blaspheme and see who gets
struck by lightning first.

You enjoy the company of other people.

In India, "cold weather" is merely a conventional phrase and has come into
use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather
which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.
-- Mark Twain

Did you know that ghosts call their true love their ghoul-friend?

Americans can't switch from pounds to kilograms overnight. That would cause mass confusion.

When people are sad, I sometimes let them colour in my tattoos. Sometimes all they need is a shoulder to crayon.

I knew i shouldn’t have ate that seafood. Because now i’m feeling a little… Eel

Q: What did the spaghetti say to the other spaghetti?
A: Pasta la vista, baby!

Q: Why does Washington have the most lawyers per capita and
New Jersey the most toxic waste dumps?
A: God gave New Jersey first choice.

A termite walks into a bar and asks “Is the bar tender here?”

If at first you don't succeed, sky diving is not for you!

F.S. Fitzgerald to Hemingway:
"Ernest, the rich are different from us."
Hemingway:
"Yes. They have more money."

Truth is the most valuable thing we have -- so let us economize it.
-- Mark Twain

Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint.
-- Mark Twain

If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down, do you think it's stumped?

The Swiss must've been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.