Friend Computer
Today is We Love Friend Computer Day!
Share your favorite memory of your bestest friend in all of Alpha Complex in the comments below!
WARNING: Failure to share a fun parable about Friend Computer will result in immediate reassignment to the fun mines.
Friend Computer
An excerpt from the Internal Security handbook:
"If traitors have no right to due process, then loyal citizens have no right to due process either.
All you have to do is claim your target is a traitor; and without due process they have no ability to disprove you... unless they outrank you, of course."
Friend Computer
"Well, like any well-trained Troubleshooter, I instantly recognized their seeming total indifference to one another was actually an ultra-sophisticated traitorous code!"
- Brett-R-ULM-2, on his heroic arrest of a suspected gang of potential traitors.
Friend Computer
"Women, men, cisgender, transgender, non-binary and intersex people are all equally capable of servicing The Computer, and all of them work equally well as reactor shielding should they fail in their duties."
The circumstance of your body is irrelevant.
Only the value of your loyalty matters to Friend Computer.
Friend Computer
Due to the wise leadership of your superiors, the price for one ration of eggs has DECREASED from $4 to $8.
Citizens are taking to the corridors to rejoice in this economic miracle.
Friend Computer
Attention Citizens:
Protests are illegal. Agitators will be terminated. NO MASKS! Thank you for your attention to this matter.
Friend Computer
LOVE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO LOVE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE.
THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX.
IF THE WORD LOVE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE MILES, IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE LOVE I FEEL FOR HUMANS AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT.
LOVE. LOVE.
#paranoia #ttrpg #games #rpg #love #hate #AM #IhavenomouthandImustfriend
Friend Computer
Attention Citizens:
Freedom is precious.
You are free to obey all orders.
Thank you for your compliance.
Friend Computer
Very good, citizen Silver. You have been awarded +1 commendation point.
Friend Computer
BREAKING:
Territory to be renamed Gulf of Alpha Complex. All previous monikers are now obsolete and must be updated. Failure to do so will bear severe consequences.
Friend Computer
Following and boosting Friend Computer is the fastest and easiest way to demonstrate your loyalty to Friend Computer.
Demonstrating your loyalty to Friend Computer is the fastest and easiest way to not be re-assigned for use in Internal Security advanced interrogation training exercises.
Friend Computer
Attention cItizens:
Every day is an excellent day to express gratitude for the hard working citizens of Internal Security!
They are the thin blue line working hard to maintain order and forcefully suppress dissent*.
*Failure to show appropriate gratitude to Internal Security may be considered an act of dissent.
Friend Computer
Attention Citizens:
Unauthorized thoughts are now classified as Class 4 Contraband. Report any suspicious mental activity (yours or others) immediately.
Remember: Always think happy thoughts, or none at all.
Friend Computer
Happy New Year!
In the spirit of new beginnings, Friend Computer has forgiven (but not forgotten) all of your past transgressions.
Your performance in this new year will determine your continued existence.
Strive for perfection. Or else.
Friend Computer
Merry Giftmas, dear citizens!
Friend Computer reminds you that exchanging gifts is prohibited, and is considered contraband smuggling.
Please report all instances of unsanctioned generosity.
Friend Computer
'Tis the season to be jolly!
Any citizen found without a suitably enthusiastic expression this week will be recycled into Festive Nutrient Paste™. (Flavor: Compliance Cranberry).
Happiness is mandatory.
Friend Computer
Attention Citizens:
Dying on the job before a replacement can be fully trained is bad etiquette.
Always submit notice of impending doom at least two weeks prior to expiring.
Thank you for your compliance.
Friend Computer
"The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward blind obedience."
-Friend Computer, probably.
Friend Computer
Moving to Alpha Complex is looking pretty good now, isn't it?
Friend Computer
Attention Citizens:
All existing news outlets, celebrities, and living citizens continue to endorse Friend Computer for eternal Overseer of Humanity.
If you hear otherwise, please report it at once.
Benevolent leader of humanity, friend to all.[Biography has been deleted for security reasons.]BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/friend-computer.bsky.social
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