Notices by Catherynne M. Valente (catvalente@wandering.shop)

I’m so tired of this dance.

MANY Republicans: *do a Nazi thing*

Normal people: So you’re Nazis, we can all clearly see that now, right?

Republicans: But ARE we? What if Hitler stands for Handsome Intelligent Talented Loving Ethical Rascals, ever think of THAT, lib? Tee hee!

Media: Why are Dems the worst?

Hey youths

Get the fuck off TikTok because Trump just told you factually they’re gonna fuck the algorithm to turn you all into loyal Hitler Youth.

And you won’t notice til you find out your personal demographic Need Not Apply.

Ahhhh!

“…the best story in the collection, Catherynne M. Valentes Came the Last Night of Sadness…”

From Locus Online’s review of #TheEndoftheWorldAsWeKnowIt: New Tales from #StephenKing’s The Stand!

And maybe only assassinations of conservatives because I sure don’t remember ever hearing the name of Melissa & Mark Hortman’s killer, inasmuch as I ever heard Melissa & Mark Hortman’s names & not “Democratic lawmakers”

(It was Vance Luther Boelter & I swear I never saw that name before in my life before I just now looked it up.)
https://wandering.shop/@Catvalente/115203432084130542

White-on-white crime is a tragic epidemic sweeping the country.

How many more will we lose to white gang violence and rightwing turf wars?

It’s the culture, you know.

These white celebrities glamorize a criminal lifestyle & young inner-suburb kids get trapped in the school-to-influencer pipeline.

Hey remember how the CEO class that assumed they were invulnerable to the chaos they created for others started existentially freaking out after Luigi killed one of their own?

That’s…gonna be nothing next to the influencer class freakout.

So…um…this happened?

For those who came to the #worldcon virtual reading (or will watch/watched it later!) and want to finish When He Calls Your Name, my spooky summer tale with a secret twist, it’s here in full for free:

https://www.uncannymagazine.com/article/when-he-calls-your-name/

Another ancient, hoary piece of metal just emerged out of the earth of my forest…

Last time Mastodon identified the sad iron I found under a tree in less than 5 minutes…

Any guesses?

Media: PEOPLE ARENT DOING THIS THING ANYMORE & IT’S GOING TO END THE WORLD!!

Everyone: we like that thing. Stop making it cost so much, we really want it. First ones to make it less gets all our money

Literally all companies & governments: no

MEDIA: THERE IS NO SOLUTION YOUNG PEOPLE ARE SATANIC

One of the most sinister developments in internet culture is the exposure of the subreddit r/changemyview as an active hive for training AI…& the official policy of that sub.

Anyone accusing posters or replies of having used AI in any way to compose their text has their responses immediately deleted.

Wow. Very above board, no?

Definitely not training AI to change public opinion on any topic AI owners want!

From my new essay Move Fast and Break People Pt. 4: The Apotheosis of the Lolcow…

https://catvalente.substack.com/p/move-fast-and-break-people-part-4

My new essay on how we got into the present horrific mess, Move Fast and Break People Pt. 4: The Apotheosis of the Lolcow, is now unlocked and free to all.

https://catvalente.substack.com/p/move-fast-and-break-people-part-4

If the White House admits to any problem at all, you know that’s not the actual problem, & the actual problem is whatever they said multiplied by a gorilla raised to the power of the Cloverfield monster.

We’ve been doing this for 10 years. His veins are tired? Ok.

That’s not what’s up, but ok.

Every once in awhile, I think of my favorite “…the fuck did you just say?” phraseology, which is from Homer’s Iliad, proving we have never, ever changed as a species, only become less fancily inclined.

“What nonsense has escaped the barrier of your teeth now?”

The fact that how much money fucking #Superman makes has become some kind of political proving ground is real stupid, but…

Surely it was obvious it wouldn’t do well overseas

Superman is THE American superhero avatar. No one wants to hear any mouth-flapping about the American Way from us right now.

Just here to remind everyone that the thing calling itself Mechahitler is the same thing people are using as a free therapist every single day.

This was a great idea, and will turn out fine.

I don’t see why the menfolk got so pressed about the whole Bear vs Man thing.

I choose the bear because she’s under a powerful curse & if I guess her true name by midnight we’ll rule the secret forest kingdoms together as immortal bear-queens.

I mean, that’s just science. Facts over feelings, boys.

(PS it was Susan)

For years, people would literally chase me down on the street, thinking I was, or asking if I knew I looked like, Abby from NCIS.

But now that I wear glasses, I feel it’s painfully obvious.

I am become Megan Mullally.

I swear I feel like fucking chaos-bees are buzzing in my fucking eyeballs everyone walking around with a straight face going “But the GOP is the party of no wars & good plans! What do you mean gas number go up? What’s a Hormuz?”

Did we just give up remembering ANYTHING because it was too hard?