Food Rescue Program Update
HOLY FUCKING SHIT I AM FUCKING SCARED OF TOMORROW!!!! (hint: it's good news)
Ahhhhhhhhh!!!! Blarrrrgh!!!!!!!!
Fuck.
Okay, it's good news, really, but shit am I a catatonic mess of nausea and nerves and I don't fucking know what to do.
Tomorrow is our weekly Farmer's Market. This is really important in our town and it's one key to building greater community. This isn't an idyllic saccharine frolic as the Farmer's Market trope is often presented.
So. Two folks who have joined my Fridge and Food Rescue group have INITIATED, ORGANIZED, AND LEAD!!!! setting up at our Farmer's Market. Two or three other folks will be joining these two leaders.
I didn't do this. I started the main group, sure, but they're going off on their own without me. That's a good thing. Amazing thing actually. I should never be a bottleneck or the main person. This has to be everyone.
But they've asked me to come and see if any of the other farmers and vendors at the market want to enroll in our food rescue program while they handle other things.
Fuck fuck fuck.
Y'all. I'm good at talking to a group of people that want to work together. I'm good at solving programs. I'm damned good at setting up groups, and infrastructure, and programs.
But I am DEATHLY AFRAID of talking to people that could possibly say no. Hahahaha.
I didn't use to be like this, but I experienced a really fucking traumatic event about three years ago that involved me begging and pleading and making and giving arguments that absolutely were logical and reasoned and supported with a massive amount of evidence. I spent tens of thousands of dollars that I didn't (and still dont) have. I went into crazy debt that I might still not get out from.... all to be brushed aside and denied at every front.
I say that... because its made it to where I can't approach anyone now if there will be any push back. I can fight people, right. I can stand up to someone doing bad in the moment. But I can't try to REASON with them.
And that's bleeding into other aspects of my life. I can't go to city council meetings to plead for them not to set up an AI data center in my town, for example.
And, interestingly, it makes it incredibly difficult to "cold call" or approach folks to sign them up for food rescue.
Fuck me....
I'm going to try this tomorrow. And I have my friends and comrades there who WILL help me.
But, ya'll... I'm fucking scared.
Hahaha. Shit.
#foodRescue #mutualAid #solarPunk