Notices by Lesbian Death Bed (bitterkarella@sfba.social), page 9

5
[at Midnight Society]
Hideo Kojima: I have an idea for a new video game...
Kojima: About you!
Stephen King: oh wow a game about us? that sounds pretty ok!
Poe: yeah I’d be curious about this
Kojima: the game is called ‘the association of Fire Story friends’

7
Kojima: The fire story friend association members names are...
Kojima: Bird Scare..
Poe:
Kojima: Clown daddy...
King:
Kojima: Knife Stabber...
Mary Shelley:
Kojima: Little Friend...
Dean Koontz:
Kojima: Cat Bitch...
Clive Barker:
Kojima: and Silly Racist...
Lovecraft:
Lovecraft: w-which one is me

2
Helen Joyce: dark lord?
Rowling: you all know the terf deatheater code
Rowling: "when you find a dude who agrees with you on transss genocide, it isss your sssolemn duty to act like he'sss jussst wildly fuckable"
Rowling: i mean, thatsss jussst bassic feminissm right there

4
Graham Linehan: [practicing speech in mirror] "thank you for this award"
Linehan: "it is a tribute to this great movement that a man once shunned as a deranged embarrassment could win back your trust"

3
Helen Joyce: but dark lord---!
Joyce: the graham linehan...
Joyce: he sleeps in a racecar
Rowling: i have sspoken
Rowling: when he getsss here
Rowling: you all better act like your dang pusssiesss are on fire

5
Graham Linehan: i'm meeting the dark lord tonight, i better wear my best shapeless mom jeans, the ones that really show off my flat hollow ass
Linehan: maybe wear it with a nice tent-like polo shirt, one that just hangs off my stomach like a blouse
Linehan: now that's fashion!

7
Graham Linehan: [wearing tinfoil hat] free masons run the country
Rowling: wow it'sss weird how all the exact ssame sstuff he sssayss that ssounded insane to me 3 yearss ago now sseems really ssenssible and mainsstream
Rowling: mussst be cuz i'm ssmarter now

6
Rowling: when he getss here, i want everyone to jusst act like he's god'ss gift to women ok
Maya Forstater: but dark lord
Rowling: maya you ran a hate campaign against a cartoon alien, i THINK you can at least do thiss

1
[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: lisssten graham linehan hassss a new manifesssto coming out
Rowling: i mean memoir
Rowling: ssso it's very important
Rowling: that we all pretend that he'sss really hot

1
[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: good newss
Rowling: we've jusst achieved a major victory!
Rowling: transs women are now banned from competing in chesss b/c of their biological advantage
Rowling: i know this ssounds like a joke but for real

2
Rowling: for too long have transss women unfairly dominated the world of chesss
Rowling: with their incredible wrissst ssstrength, they're jussst too good at picking up thossse little piecesss and moving them around

4
Jesse Singal: dark lord! dark lord! pick me!
Singal: i can think of another rationalization
Singal: i mean reason
Singal: for banning trans women from chess!
Rowling: yesss? Singal: they're born men, right? so that means they're smarter
Rowling:
Rowling: yess that sssounds right

3
Helen Joyce: the phenomenal wrist strength of trans women, like some kind of mad jungle ape, is a threat to the petite fragile bird-boned cis women of chess, so really the only logical response is to kill them all
Rowling: yess yess thisss sscansss

6
JK Rowling: alssso trans men have to forfeit all previous pre-transssition victories
Rowling: no reasson for that one, jussst to be dicksss really

5
Rowling: it'ss true, men do naturally have ssmarter brainss, too ssmart for biologically dumber women to compete with
Rowling: therefore we need to ban transs women
Rowling: we're really sstriking a blow for feminissm here aren't we?
Helen Joyce: lol don't ask me, i'm just a girl

7
JK Rowling: our official terf death eater posssition isss now that women are biologically dumber than men
Helen Joyce: sounds great!
Maya Forstater: that's right!
Julie Bindel: [with red tape over mouth] Hmmm!
Allison Bailey: we demand to be taken seriously!

4
Rowling: i'm very concerned with the rightss of lessbiansss
Rowling: i mean, i FEEL the pain of the lessbianss
Rowling: i'm bassically an honorary lessbian mysself
[lesbians rights are attacked]
Rowling: new phone, who diss?

3
Rowling: i know i wass banging on re how we had to eliminate the transs to protect lessbianss
Rowling: and now people are mad i'm ok w lessbianss going under the buss
Rowling: but i think the people of italy have labored too long under the yoke of oppressive lesbian recognition

6
Stock: but dark lord, won't think upset the lesbian members of the LGB alliance?
Rowling: do we actually have any lessbian membersss?
Stock: no our membership is entirely comprised of sackville-baggins hobbits

5
Rowling: those sssilly lesssbianss, worrying about losssing their parental rightsss!
Rowling: don't they know that if their rightss were actually under attack i would be marching with them?
Rowling: and i don't ssee myself marching here
Rowling: ergo they musst be fine!