Adrianna Tan (skinnylatte@hachyderm.io)'s status on Friday, 19-Dec-2025 16:29:10 JST

All of my major life moments, discussed and negotiated at the market.

I was always closer to my dad, so I often told him big news first. I sometimes needed his help translating. Even though I speak my mom’s native languages, for big moments I never felt like I had the words.

‘Let’s go get orh luak (oyster omelette)’ was basically our code word for ‘let’s go somewhere private to talk’. My mom didn’t like that orh luak stall so she never wanted to come.

There, I told him my plans. The schools I want to go to. What I want to do. And later, that I’m gay, I’m leaving home, I’m leaving this country.

Always over a plate of orh luak.

He always listened. He gave me his opinions. He never put me down. He told me he disagreed with things that I wanted to do but trusted that I knew what I was doing. Then he went to think about how to share the news with my mom, in another language.

Last time I was home, it also felt like a major life moment. My parents had been hopeful that I was going to move back home, that America was just temporary.

They still sent me news about buying a HDB (Singaporean housing) and investing in my CPF (Singaporean 401K).

But something changed after they came to see me in my new environment. I think they saw how at peace I was now that I finally live somewhere where my gayness is the least interesting thing about me.

So on the way to the airport, we went to get food at the market. Then they walked me around all the stalls to say goodbye to all of their friends, the food sellers.

‘This is my daughter. She’s big now. She won’t be living here anymore.’

It felt like they needed it more than I did.

And when I got back to San Francisco, they started sending me messages about buying a house in Oakland, and investing in my American 401K.