After weeks of perilous climbing beyond the Himalayas to the very roof of the world, I finally behold the mystical monastery of Shangri-La. With my last ounce of strength, I drag my frozen body to the foot of the temple where an impossibly aged monk awaits me.

"Oh great master, I have traveled long from a faraway land through terrible danger and hardship to reach this wonderous place beyond the clouds. I beg you to let me learn your ancient wisdom so I may be enlightened."

The monk nods sagely and points a wizened finger to a sign on the temple door.

IRISH NEED NOT APPLY