@inthehands
Smalltalk and Lisp existed in 1985. Important ML style languages like CAML and Miranda appeared in 1985.
It wasn't so much that the languages didn't exist but their ideas were not widely distributed. If the hardware was up to running them efficiently in this thought experiment, which it would have to be to be fair, and we ignore historical platform differences too as we can for an iphone, I totally think the languages would have been up to the job. But few people used them