The thing about being the Main Character for a day, which I have spent several over a decade, is how much you just want them to understand. You want to tell the story.
But it's too late for that. You just have to let it roll in. And your socialization is going to correctly do what it was evolved for. And punish you.
And if you're feeling terrible it's because you're not a sociopath. And you realize, wow it would be awesome to be a sociopath. I get it now.