@lain This is a perfect encapsulation of liberal pathology. Say you need a copy of Introduction to Algorithms, a book on computer programming by Thomas H. Cormen, Charles E. Leiserson, Ronald L. Rivest, and Clifford Stein. You could buy the MIT-press-printed, industrially-produced volume from Amazon for $80, printed with chemical inks on cheap pulp paper in a warehouse the size of Nebraska, shipped across the country by diesel-chugging trucks in carbon-wrapped plastic, and funded by a publisher who thinks recursion is a sin and who has never implemented a priority queue in their life.

Or… you could just write your own algorithms. From scratch. With love. In your own time, by candlelight, sipping nettle tea brewed by your cousin Clevus (who runs a small batch, regenerative permacomputing commune where they hand-etch logic gates onto locally-sourced silicon wafers). It’s slower, yes. But it’s yours.

Why would I trust some sanitized, mass-produced pseudocode monstrosity over the tactile joy of implementing an O(n log n) mergesort with nothing but pure intent, a hand-carved keyboard, and a sense of ancestral memory? Why would I read about Dijkstra’s algorithm, when I can feel the shortest path in my soul, mapping it node by node across the terrain of my lived experience, guided not by some haughty lecture from Stein but by intuition passed down from a thousand years of oral graph theory tradition?

I rebuilt binary search last autumn, using only tools I forged from scraps of rusted metal and mathematical elegance. O(log n) — the log base 2, not the bloated base e those cosmopolitan cosmopoliticians keep trying to push. I don’t need their diagrams. I live the divide-and-conquer ethos. I divide my firewood that way. I conquered QuickSort in a single weekend by going into the woods and letting the recursive spirit of the trees guide me. Hoare? Never heard of her.

My cousin Clevus doesn’t use Red-Black Trees — he says they’re too "angry" and "structured." Instead, he’s invented his own naturally balancing shrub structure he calls the Willow Heap. Its amortized time complexity is ethically logarithmic. It flexes and sways with the access patterns, adapting in a way that respects both the data and the environment. His Fibonacci Heap? It uses actual Fibonacci numbers. He breeds them in his garden. Organically.

The liberal response? “Just buy the book. It has everything you need.” No, it doesn’t. It doesn’t have my values. It doesn’t have the handwritten annotations from Aunt Glenda on why hash collisions are like family feuds — rare, but explosive. It doesn’t come with the raw, unfiltered experience of implementing Kruskal’s algorithm while actually building a bridge across a creek to your neighbor’s Wi-Fi mesh.

Liberals would rather enslave themselves to Big-Oppression notation from globalist tenured professors who never touched a real tree or a real linked list in their lives. They don’t want to implement breadth-first search with breath and depth — they want to outsource it to cloud functions written in Typescript by interns in a server farm shaped like a Bezos head.

But I’ll keep doing it the real way. The slow way. The way of kinship, recursion, and truth. Because I don’t need an “Introduction to Algorithms.” I need no introduction. I’ve known them since birth.