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If I ever become sick enough to warrant it, I'm getting divorced, I'm applying for every line of sketchy credit under the sun, and I am going to be motherfucking Santa Claus on speed. I will leave absolutely no amount of money unspent and I will die with no heirs or dependents from whom to collect on my debts. If the authorities ask anyone who might be remotely accused of being one or the other of the above, they are instructed to say that I went completely insane and cut everyone out of my life when the [INSERT DISEASE HERE] got to my brain. This is also my funeral plan and my plan to rack up medical debt. My spouse isn't totally on board with this because they believe marriage is important, as do I, but not as important as taking my massive debt with me to Hell (which I don't believe in) so I can give all the money-lenders a big fuck you when I see them down there.

Having a real one today, in case you were wondering.