Embed Notice

Other people have posted reminders to check on your autistic, neurodivergent, queer, POC etc.
friends.

Please do, and make the time to listen.

Allow us to feel what we feel. Allow us to rage, or cry, or dissociate. We need safe harbor.

Many/most of us are not okay. Not in the slightest.

I can't speak for everybody, of course; but the reason I'm more quiet these days except for trying to make some stabs at humor -- especially with my new hashtag (and hopefully a bot, if I get approved) -- is:

Things are looking really grim for us.

This is not 2017. They didn't not expect to win. They did win, and they had a plan. And now they are dismantling the government as we have known it. I will not see that repaired in my lifetime.

I was angry as hell in 2017. I marched. I signed petitions.

We're way beyond that now.

We're beyond righteous anger and virtue signaling how "against" everything we are and how aghast and insulted we are.

We're beyond signing petitions and marching and carrying signs, no matter how good a person it makes us feel. It is crunch time.

Fascism is fucking here.

The United States government is effectively an oligarchic autocracy full of boot-licking toadies and politicians whose families are literally being threatened if they oppose the wannabe dictators, and there isn't any way to magically make that disappear.

We can't go back even to October of last year. Do you notice the lack of opposition voices in the Democratic Party? It's because their families are being threatened by the goonies who are loyal to the orange shit stain.

The Democrats fucking failed. But you already know this.

It doesn't matter that I was yelling about fascists in 2016. Me being "right" 10 years ago and yet nobody listening then doesn't solve any problems. That is just a high horse straight to hell.

They are coming for me and for my people, so it is only a matter of time before I'm one of the people you know who has disappeared.

A friend of mine who worked in Russia for five years talked about that with us last Sunday. Everyone they knew knew somebody who had disappeared.

I am stuck in an incredibly red state in the middle of this fucking country, chained to my house and my animals, incapable of just picking up and making a move to say, France or what the fuck ever. I can't even make a move to another state that might be more of a safe harbor, because my mother is here, so I am stuck here with her as long as she is on this planet.

I don't have the resources to move, especially not both of us.

Nothing I have ever done or learned in my life has led me to be able to plan for this. As she is a cishet white human being, she's not threatened the way I'm threatened -- though, being female, and not having a birth certificate in her current name, she is threatened with disempowerment soon if the SAVE act is passed.

I am hunkering down, not really staying sane at all, drinking way too much, and not even hoping for the best at this point.

They're going to force me to be female, which I am not. I will never get my gender affirming top surgery. I have resigned myself to that at this point.

They're likely to force me to cede everything I actually own, too -- especially if that crazy thing in project 2025 comes to pass where the closest male relative is the one who ends up owning everything.

I've already apologized to my nephew about this.

I'm not going to get married again. I'm not going to become a tool for the fascist state, either, oppressing other people (like the aunts in Handmaid's tale).

I will willfully take my own life before that kind of bullshit happens.

Yes, it is that bad. No I am not being dramatic, and no I don't need to fucking calm down.

It's funny how many people told me to calm down 10 years ago, and now they don't even remember that they said that offensive shit to me.

I have no hope of ever traveling overseas ever again. I have no hope of ever taking an actual restful vacation ever again.

I know for a fact that we're going to exceed 2°C of warming permanently probably next year, so we're all in the same goddamn climate change boat, with a pile of fascist shit on top.

Yeah I'm tired. Yeah I need a hug. Yeah I need to cry in somebody's arms for an hour. That's not gonna happen. I don't have those kind of friends. I don't have a partner. My dogs just freak out when I get upset.

I'm just gonna watch my soccer game in an hour and then try to get some goddamn sleep and hopefully go to the lake tomorrow with my friend where maybe touching grass will save my sanity for a few hours.

This too shall pass, but probably not in the way that any of us want it to.

If you've read this far, bless you. Thanks for worrying about me.