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@wdlindsy
Serwer's line about "intimacy through contempt" is the one that haunts me.

At various times in my life, that shared wink of mutual contempt was at the core of my most valued friendships. It didn't matter how exploitative those friendships were, how badly they ended, or the collateral harm they caused. Without that false bond I felt unseen. Tribeless. Alone.

I think people underestimate how powerful that false sense of belonging is when one is alienated from one's self.