@erin what a bag of dicks
Apparently they have a model that'll just brick itself if you try to use the console?
Looks like it's an ipq60xx device, but maybe they have some models without secure boot and a hack similar to this will work:
https://watchmysys.com/blog/2024/04/breaking-secure-boot-on-the-meraki-z3-and-meraki-go-gx20/