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3RD PLACE (25%): WC65C265
It's the 65816, but they actually fixed my biggest gripe: the weird, multiplexed address/data bus! Initially, I didn't even know they made that! It's also another microcontroller-y solution, but it doesn't provide a whole lot of RAM (it does provide enough for Zero Page and the Stack Page!) but it has a more interesting set of built-in peripherals, including a tone generator that's intended for telephony shenanigans, but it can just be used as a pair of mono sine wave channels to mix in with whatever the audio solution would be. I was hoping this one would win, it actually sounds really interesting... if anyone has a 65816-compatible compiler that's cross-platform and at least freeware.