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It has taken me may years to really digest the metaphor of putting on your oxygen mask first, before you try and put one on others.

That ideal image of myself as the self-sacrificing, responsible adult who addressed everyone else's need first - it's an easy trap to fall into. Our popular narratives are full of praise for people like that. But let me tell you, there is a really unpleasant enjoyment to it. There's something of a monstrous underbelly to it. A sanctimony that is ugly.

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